Love

These great quotes are not from me... Just find that they are so inspiring. Thus copying them here, to share them with you wonderful people who is reading this blog!

Love hurts when you break up with someone.
It hurts even more when someone breaks up with you.
But love hurts the most:
When the person you love has no idea how you feel about him/her

As long as we have memories,
yesterday remains:
As long as we have hope,
Tomorrow awaits:
Have great hopes,
And dare to go all out for them:
Have great dreams,
And dare to live them:
Have great expectations,
and believe in them!

Love

These great quotes are not from me... Just find that they are so inspiring. Thus copying them here, to share them with you wonderful people who is reading this blog!

Love hurts when you break up with someone.
It hurts even more when someone breaks up with you.
But love hurts the most:
When the person you love has no idea how you feel about him/her

As long as we have memories,
yesterday remains:
As long as we have hope,
Tomorrow awaits:
Have great hopes,
And dare to go all out for them:
Have great dreams,
And dare to live them:
Have great expectations,
and believe in them!

Latest Art piece

Once again, finished my work early and was able to gather enough inspiration to come up with this sketch. Thank God for gifts and talents. Never would thought that something so beautiful can come out of the first stroke... This was drawn with a pen on a quarter piece of an A4 size paper.

When there is hope, there is meaning. Now my hope is not on anything but it is on God. Hoping that He will show me the light once again! Haha... Anywayz, I still know that God is good. Thank you people for rooting for me. Not sure when I will be what you want me to be again. However, you guys just take care and I will take care too... Haha... Ciaoz.

Latest Art piece

Once again, finished my work early and was able to gather enough inspiration to come up with this sketch. Thank God for gifts and talents. Never would thought that something so beautiful can come out of the first stroke... This was drawn with a pen on a quarter piece of an A4 size paper.

When there is hope, there is meaning. Now my hope is not on anything but it is on God. Hoping that He will show me the light once again! Haha... Anywayz, I still know that God is good. Thank you people for rooting for me. Not sure when I will be what you want me to be again. However, you guys just take care and I will take care too... Haha... Ciaoz.

Losing hope? Read this post...

Recently, I posted in a Christian Forums and shared about my struggles. My disappointments, my hurts, my dilemmas, etc. Then, there was this helpful lady who replied and shared her struggles. I don't have to say much.

HER POST:

This distance feeling sometimes comes after a spiritual high. Sometimes it seems like God hides himself. I can't biblically prove it off of the top of my head, but I know that God woos us and I think his "hiding" of himself is a time when we "woo" God; like lovers do (Song of Solomon) as God is the lover of our souls. Sometimes we neglect the relationship and that creates distance. But, sometimes this rotting feeling comes from having sin in our lives.

I recently came through a period just like what you explained. I'll share my story in hopes that it will be helpful to you or to someone else reading this. I felt the distance from God too, like I didn't want to serve anymore, like everything in church was such a drag. I didn't want to hear rebuke. I was just going through the motions and felt like my insides were rotting out. I asked for help, but strangely, no one seemed to hear me.

For me, my fustrations over my unfulfilled desires for marriage, intimacy, companionship, were drawing me away. There was unforgiveness too against God. I felt that God wasn't being fair to me, wasn't rewarding me for being faithful. I did everything that singles are told to do, work on being whole, run hard after God, etc. Yet people who didn't do any of this were getting married all around me. So, I felt cheated, resentful and lied to. Very few people really knew the depth of my disappointment with God, and those that did kind of brushed it under the rug because on the outside I looked to be successful and godly and I looked like I had it all together. Plus I think, it made them uncomfortable.

Mind you, in the midst of this struggle, I was hearing from the Lord, serving, helping people. Yet, I didn't want to hear anyone lecturing me and preaching at me. I still grate at the "wait on the Lord" speech from those who got married when they were 22. I was angry at God and started to revert to old behaviors that I thought were gone (cursing, watching ungodly shows, etc.) I did these things secretly, but they would seep out once in a while. I didn't want to strive for holiness or righteousness anymore and had a "whatever" attitude towards God.

Then, a totally hot, but unsaved man who I was extremely attracted to started making advances. When he'd smile and his eyes would twinkle, my thoughts scrambled and I would just melt. When he flirted with me outwardly I remained businesslike, but inwardly I was so flattered and tempted and I think he knew it. I was playing with fire and felt myself moving closer and closer to compromise. This was not love. I knew that long term we were incompatible. I just plain-old wanted him and I knew if I gave him the signal that I could have him. In my heart I really wanted Mr. Right, but was ready settle for Mr. Right Now to satisfy my curiousity. I was tired of waiting and walking uprightly and felt like I was just wasting my time.

In the midst of all of this, I was in the church serving in 5 different ministries. No one really knew about my struggles. I felt like every time I came to church people just wanted to use me to do something for them. I rarely got a phone call unless someone wanted something. An extra pair of hands, teaching, singing, listening to others, praying for others, offering some service. I did these things and then some because I thought this is what Christians are supposed to do. But most of those people didn't really care about me as a person or about my calling from the Lord. They just wanted to get their things done. So, I started to stay away from church, only going when I had to. My love for God continued to colder and colder until I regretted that I had ever become a Christian. But it wasn't the church that made my love grow cold, it had been happening for a long time; it had been growing out of my erroneous notion that if I did x then God would do y. I felt like God just wanted me to work, work, work, while he withheld my hearts desire for love and fulfillment from me.

So ... what happened?

First, I did what you are doing now. I started asking people to pray for me. I didn't really want to, but I asked them to do it anyway because I knew it was the right thing to do. I didn't trust everyone with the details, just a few mature, godly women (I didn't feel it would be wisdom to tell a man) that I knew were discreet and that truly loved me. I confessed my thoughts and desires to them. They didn't judge or lecture me. They told me what was right; simply and with love. Then they prayed for me. I'm so grateful for that. Within a week, the hot guy stopped pursuing me, although my desire for him still remained. I was so disappointed, but I made myself keep distance from him and what was blossoming, died. In fact, our paths will no longer cross as I'm moving to a new assignment. When I said goodbye to him, God was able to give me the strength to maintain my composure and distance. Right before I left, another man, an unbeliever who had really given me a hard time about my faith, commended me on my walk and character. He encouraged me to not yield to temptation and to not compromise. He didn't know anything about my situation because I've never shared anything personal with him. So it was an encouragement from the Lord. It humbled me to think of what could have happened had it not been for the prayers of those mature saints.

Next, I cut back on the busy church stuff and started focusing more on the Lord. I started doing things like taking time to appreciate the beauty of creation, and talking to the Lord in little short prayers (thank you Lord for this beautiful day). I started physically resting and putting balance in my life. I am in the process of seeking God to see which ministries he truly wants me to serve in. I started intentionally enjoying life. And I focused on reconnecting with God. I prayed that the Lord would reignite the fire for him.

I then had to deal with the issues that drew me away. Unforgiveness towards God and lust. Although I knew I was sinning inwardly, I couldn't see exactly why premarital sex, why lust was wrong. So I prayed and asked God to show me why, in practical terms. Besides it being wrong simply because God said so, He started teaching me about the consequences beyond pregnancy and STDs and about his protection and love. There is no condom for your heart, for your spirit, for your emotions. The "protection" is within the marriage relationship, one that is brought together by God. I saw that God was not withholding from me and that marriage, like singleness, is a gift not a prize for obedience. You do not earn a gift, it is simply something that is given by the giver and then at the time of his choosing. God's commandments -- to not fornicate, to forgive, etc. are there because he loves us.

I also started visiting other churches periodically and heard messages on the grace and goodness of God. I started focusing on enjoying God. At the same time, I made myself listen to the words of rebuke, even when I didn't want to. Even though no emotions were behind my words, I repented. I asked God to give me a sincere heart, a clean heart. I asked him to bring the love emotions back again.

Little by little, he started bringing revival to my heart. Today, I am focusing relationship with God. To be honest, although I attend church regularly, I really don't want to attend my church. I'm there strictly out of obedience. But the relationship with God is now different. I don't think that we can ever really go back to the first feelings with the Lord. Like marriage, I think that over time, with deeper experience, the "feelings" are a bit deeper, a bit sweeter, a bit more profound because we learn that love is not really based on feelings, if that makes sense, but on the Lord himself.

I've shared quite a bit, I do hope that some of it is relevant to you or to others; and was helpful in some way.

Take care and God bless, "

Losing hope? Read this post...

Recently, I posted in a Christian Forums and shared about my struggles. My disappointments, my hurts, my dilemmas, etc. Then, there was this helpful lady who replied and shared her struggles. I don't have to say much.

HER POST:

This distance feeling sometimes comes after a spiritual high. Sometimes it seems like God hides himself. I can't biblically prove it off of the top of my head, but I know that God woos us and I think his "hiding" of himself is a time when we "woo" God; like lovers do (Song of Solomon) as God is the lover of our souls. Sometimes we neglect the relationship and that creates distance. But, sometimes this rotting feeling comes from having sin in our lives.

I recently came through a period just like what you explained. I'll share my story in hopes that it will be helpful to you or to someone else reading this. I felt the distance from God too, like I didn't want to serve anymore, like everything in church was such a drag. I didn't want to hear rebuke. I was just going through the motions and felt like my insides were rotting out. I asked for help, but strangely, no one seemed to hear me.

For me, my fustrations over my unfulfilled desires for marriage, intimacy, companionship, were drawing me away. There was unforgiveness too against God. I felt that God wasn't being fair to me, wasn't rewarding me for being faithful. I did everything that singles are told to do, work on being whole, run hard after God, etc. Yet people who didn't do any of this were getting married all around me. So, I felt cheated, resentful and lied to. Very few people really knew the depth of my disappointment with God, and those that did kind of brushed it under the rug because on the outside I looked to be successful and godly and I looked like I had it all together. Plus I think, it made them uncomfortable.

Mind you, in the midst of this struggle, I was hearing from the Lord, serving, helping people. Yet, I didn't want to hear anyone lecturing me and preaching at me. I still grate at the "wait on the Lord" speech from those who got married when they were 22. I was angry at God and started to revert to old behaviors that I thought were gone (cursing, watching ungodly shows, etc.) I did these things secretly, but they would seep out once in a while. I didn't want to strive for holiness or righteousness anymore and had a "whatever" attitude towards God.

Then, a totally hot, but unsaved man who I was extremely attracted to started making advances. When he'd smile and his eyes would twinkle, my thoughts scrambled and I would just melt. When he flirted with me outwardly I remained businesslike, but inwardly I was so flattered and tempted and I think he knew it. I was playing with fire and felt myself moving closer and closer to compromise. This was not love. I knew that long term we were incompatible. I just plain-old wanted him and I knew if I gave him the signal that I could have him. In my heart I really wanted Mr. Right, but was ready settle for Mr. Right Now to satisfy my curiousity. I was tired of waiting and walking uprightly and felt like I was just wasting my time.

In the midst of all of this, I was in the church serving in 5 different ministries. No one really knew about my struggles. I felt like every time I came to church people just wanted to use me to do something for them. I rarely got a phone call unless someone wanted something. An extra pair of hands, teaching, singing, listening to others, praying for others, offering some service. I did these things and then some because I thought this is what Christians are supposed to do. But most of those people didn't really care about me as a person or about my calling from the Lord. They just wanted to get their things done. So, I started to stay away from church, only going when I had to. My love for God continued to colder and colder until I regretted that I had ever become a Christian. But it wasn't the church that made my love grow cold, it had been happening for a long time; it had been growing out of my erroneous notion that if I did x then God would do y. I felt like God just wanted me to work, work, work, while he withheld my hearts desire for love and fulfillment from me.

So ... what happened?

First, I did what you are doing now. I started asking people to pray for me. I didn't really want to, but I asked them to do it anyway because I knew it was the right thing to do. I didn't trust everyone with the details, just a few mature, godly women (I didn't feel it would be wisdom to tell a man) that I knew were discreet and that truly loved me. I confessed my thoughts and desires to them. They didn't judge or lecture me. They told me what was right; simply and with love. Then they prayed for me. I'm so grateful for that. Within a week, the hot guy stopped pursuing me, although my desire for him still remained. I was so disappointed, but I made myself keep distance from him and what was blossoming, died. In fact, our paths will no longer cross as I'm moving to a new assignment. When I said goodbye to him, God was able to give me the strength to maintain my composure and distance. Right before I left, another man, an unbeliever who had really given me a hard time about my faith, commended me on my walk and character. He encouraged me to not yield to temptation and to not compromise. He didn't know anything about my situation because I've never shared anything personal with him. So it was an encouragement from the Lord. It humbled me to think of what could have happened had it not been for the prayers of those mature saints.

Next, I cut back on the busy church stuff and started focusing more on the Lord. I started doing things like taking time to appreciate the beauty of creation, and talking to the Lord in little short prayers (thank you Lord for this beautiful day). I started physically resting and putting balance in my life. I am in the process of seeking God to see which ministries he truly wants me to serve in. I started intentionally enjoying life. And I focused on reconnecting with God. I prayed that the Lord would reignite the fire for him.

I then had to deal with the issues that drew me away. Unforgiveness towards God and lust. Although I knew I was sinning inwardly, I couldn't see exactly why premarital sex, why lust was wrong. So I prayed and asked God to show me why, in practical terms. Besides it being wrong simply because God said so, He started teaching me about the consequences beyond pregnancy and STDs and about his protection and love. There is no condom for your heart, for your spirit, for your emotions. The "protection" is within the marriage relationship, one that is brought together by God. I saw that God was not withholding from me and that marriage, like singleness, is a gift not a prize for obedience. You do not earn a gift, it is simply something that is given by the giver and then at the time of his choosing. God's commandments -- to not fornicate, to forgive, etc. are there because he loves us.

I also started visiting other churches periodically and heard messages on the grace and goodness of God. I started focusing on enjoying God. At the same time, I made myself listen to the words of rebuke, even when I didn't want to. Even though no emotions were behind my words, I repented. I asked God to give me a sincere heart, a clean heart. I asked him to bring the love emotions back again.

Little by little, he started bringing revival to my heart. Today, I am focusing relationship with God. To be honest, although I attend church regularly, I really don't want to attend my church. I'm there strictly out of obedience. But the relationship with God is now different. I don't think that we can ever really go back to the first feelings with the Lord. Like marriage, I think that over time, with deeper experience, the "feelings" are a bit deeper, a bit sweeter, a bit more profound because we learn that love is not really based on feelings, if that makes sense, but on the Lord himself.

I've shared quite a bit, I do hope that some of it is relevant to you or to others; and was helpful in some way.

Take care and God bless, "

When I say... " I am a Christian"

When I say... " I am a Christian"
I'm not shouting "I'm clean livin'"
I'm whispering "I was lost,
Now I'm found and forgiven."

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble
and need Christ to be my guide.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak
and need His strength to carry on.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed
and need God to clean my mess.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not claiming to be perfect,
My flaws are far too visible
but, God believes I am worth it.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I still feel the sting of pain.
I have my share of heartaches
So I call upon His name.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not holier than thou,
I'm just a simple sinner
Who received God's good grace, somehow!

When I say... " I am a Christian"

When I say... " I am a Christian"
I'm not shouting "I'm clean livin'"
I'm whispering "I was lost,
Now I'm found and forgiven."

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble
and need Christ to be my guide.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak
and need His strength to carry on.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed
and need God to clean my mess.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not claiming to be perfect,
My flaws are far too visible
but, God believes I am worth it.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I still feel the sting of pain.
I have my share of heartaches
So I call upon His name.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not holier than thou,
I'm just a simple sinner
Who received God's good grace, somehow!

Life's a journey, never a cruise...

Like what the title suggests, life is definitely not a cruise. Many a times, I have always wanted things to be smooth sailing or simply put, "If I do this and that, I must be able to get this outcome." However, I do realise that having this kind of mentality can really be damaging to the heart and soul! Knowning that I have gone through the standard and necessary steps, which need to be taken, but ultimately, the kind of ending or results are not what I have expected it to be. Like what Sy Rogers had said, we like to be in control... to know that we are secure.

Like a child, I am grabbing on to my mum, not wanting to let her go, having fear of the things that might happen if I were to lose her. For me, now that I am almost 24 years old, I am no longer holding to my mum, neither my dad nor my siblings. Instead, what I am holding on right now is my comfort, my time, my career and most of all, my current happiness! Due to the fact that life is short and sometimes hard, I cannot see what is more important than having happiness; to enjoy the time you have, the company you are in, the career you are having now and to come home to a happier family. The fact that this is a "broken down" world makes life all the more scary. Nothing you do, even if it is right, may end up with the result you want. Life is unpredictable.

A friend once told me that all he wants in life is happiness. If everything is smooth sailing and if everything works according to his plans, he will be contented. After going through almost a quarter of a century, I know that if happiness is as described by him, I will be a bitter and unhappy man. Why? Becuase most of the time, things don't really work out the way I would like them to be. To make matter worse, nothing is smooth sailing.

Having said so much, I began to ask myself what I really want in life. I want happiness. Happiness is a very general thing, which everyone wants. Then I asked myself, "What kind of happiness do you want then?" I pondered and began to search through the history of my life, the times when I was really happy and free. I realised that happiness is not that all complicated. Happiness is the simple act to appreciating everything that is around you. I knew it all along that I am happy whenever I am in His presence. This is ONE and ONLY thing I am not willing to lose. Next, family is the next thing I know I need... This is another thing that I have to accept. However, apart from these two, I was ready to let everything go! However, despite its commitments, I know that I have a group of people whom I do really cherish and love in church. Then I began to ask myself another question, "Do you think that you will be able to learn so much about God if you were to leave this church?" This question really made me think. I know that it is not in the worship, praise or even the jumping style City Harvest Church adopts. Rather, it is the presence that really draws me. The thick and tangible presence of God in this church created doors for me. I have a decision to open or to let the door be closed. It is not like it is an open door, where I do not even have to make a decision.

This is not a hard decision that I have to make. At the same time, it is not an easy decision for me to make. However, it is there and then that I realised that this is what happiness is all about. Forsaking all, I trust in Him. I can be happy if I don't feel so insecure about my life, how people look at me, how much control and certainty I want in my life. I really like what Sy Rogers preached last friday. We cannot know how the ocean is like but we can certainly know a few facts about it. It is salty and wet. Similarly, I can't really grasp what God is trying to do in my life; why He is letting me go through all these; why did He make me the way I am... but I do know that He is love and He is good. He will take responsibilities. I do not want to be a self-made Superman who will always undertake any given responsibilities. Rather, I want to be like Spiderman in Spiderman 2, doing all that he can within his means.

Love, this is a powerful word. I guess we are all created to love. We love our lives, our career, our boyfriends, our girlfriends, our spouse... etc. Ultimately, I believe that we are all searching for this one true love. Alot of times, when I read the following verse, I will think of why do I need to do all these... How can I be so perfect...

1 Cor 13:4-8

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
5 It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8 Love never fails.
(from New International Version)

How can I be what the verses want me to be? There will always be this human side of me. Everytime when I look at it, it stirs me up and at the same time, it discouraged me... talk about the Word being a double-edged sword. However, during cellgroup last week, my first in a month plus of absence, God told me that He wanted me to see it in another perspective... He wanted me know that He was not asking me to be all those but He wants me know that He is all those! He reminded me of the following verse:

1 John 4:16

16 God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him.
(from New International Version)

Therefore, I began to put God in the following verse... and faith began to arise within me.

1 Cor 13:4-8 (What God wants me to see)

4 God is patient, God is kind. God does not envy, God does not boast, God is not proud.
5 God is not rude, God is not self-seeking, God is not easily angered, God keeps no record of wrongs.
6 God does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
7 God always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8 God never fails.
(from New International Version)

Life's a journey, never a cruise...

Like what the title suggests, life is definitely not a cruise. Many a times, I have always wanted things to be smooth sailing or simply put, "If I do this and that, I must be able to get this outcome." However, I do realise that having this kind of mentality can really be damaging to the heart and soul! Knowning that I have gone through the standard and necessary steps, which need to be taken, but ultimately, the kind of ending or results are not what I have expected it to be. Like what Sy Rogers had said, we like to be in control... to know that we are secure.

Like a child, I am grabbing on to my mum, not wanting to let her go, having fear of the things that might happen if I were to lose her. For me, now that I am almost 24 years old, I am no longer holding to my mum, neither my dad nor my siblings. Instead, what I am holding on right now is my comfort, my time, my career and most of all, my current happiness! Due to the fact that life is short and sometimes hard, I cannot see what is more important than having happiness; to enjoy the time you have, the company you are in, the career you are having now and to come home to a happier family. The fact that this is a "broken down" world makes life all the more scary. Nothing you do, even if it is right, may end up with the result you want. Life is unpredictable.

A friend once told me that all he wants in life is happiness. If everything is smooth sailing and if everything works according to his plans, he will be contented. After going through almost a quarter of a century, I know that if happiness is as described by him, I will be a bitter and unhappy man. Why? Becuase most of the time, things don't really work out the way I would like them to be. To make matter worse, nothing is smooth sailing.

Having said so much, I began to ask myself what I really want in life. I want happiness. Happiness is a very general thing, which everyone wants. Then I asked myself, "What kind of happiness do you want then?" I pondered and began to search through the history of my life, the times when I was really happy and free. I realised that happiness is not that all complicated. Happiness is the simple act to appreciating everything that is around you. I knew it all along that I am happy whenever I am in His presence. This is ONE and ONLY thing I am not willing to lose. Next, family is the next thing I know I need... This is another thing that I have to accept. However, apart from these two, I was ready to let everything go! However, despite its commitments, I know that I have a group of people whom I do really cherish and love in church. Then I began to ask myself another question, "Do you think that you will be able to learn so much about God if you were to leave this church?" This question really made me think. I know that it is not in the worship, praise or even the jumping style City Harvest Church adopts. Rather, it is the presence that really draws me. The thick and tangible presence of God in this church created doors for me. I have a decision to open or to let the door be closed. It is not like it is an open door, where I do not even have to make a decision.

This is not a hard decision that I have to make. At the same time, it is not an easy decision for me to make. However, it is there and then that I realised that this is what happiness is all about. Forsaking all, I trust in Him. I can be happy if I don't feel so insecure about my life, how people look at me, how much control and certainty I want in my life. I really like what Sy Rogers preached last friday. We cannot know how the ocean is like but we can certainly know a few facts about it. It is salty and wet. Similarly, I can't really grasp what God is trying to do in my life; why He is letting me go through all these; why did He make me the way I am... but I do know that He is love and He is good. He will take responsibilities. I do not want to be a self-made Superman who will always undertake any given responsibilities. Rather, I want to be like Spiderman in Spiderman 2, doing all that he can within his means.

Love, this is a powerful word. I guess we are all created to love. We love our lives, our career, our boyfriends, our girlfriends, our spouse... etc. Ultimately, I believe that we are all searching for this one true love. Alot of times, when I read the following verse, I will think of why do I need to do all these... How can I be so perfect...

1 Cor 13:4-8

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
5 It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8 Love never fails.
(from New International Version)

How can I be what the verses want me to be? There will always be this human side of me. Everytime when I look at it, it stirs me up and at the same time, it discouraged me... talk about the Word being a double-edged sword. However, during cellgroup last week, my first in a month plus of absence, God told me that He wanted me to see it in another perspective... He wanted me know that He was not asking me to be all those but He wants me know that He is all those! He reminded me of the following verse:

1 John 4:16

16 God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him.
(from New International Version)

Therefore, I began to put God in the following verse... and faith began to arise within me.

1 Cor 13:4-8 (What God wants me to see)

4 God is patient, God is kind. God does not envy, God does not boast, God is not proud.
5 God is not rude, God is not self-seeking, God is not easily angered, God keeps no record of wrongs.
6 God does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
7 God always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8 God never fails.
(from New International Version)

F.A.I.T.H... Not as easy as it seems!

"Forsaking All, I trust in Him," the phrase, which I have used for this blog as its title, is not an easy one to behold. Apparently, in short, this phrase makes out to be FAITH! Faith... as simple as it may seem, is something, which I find it hard to grab on to.

Forsaking all, being selfless... putting others before self, letting go of all the past experiences, letting God be my Deliverer... etc. These are the basics of Christianity... the foundation of our spiritual journey with God. Wrong? Yeah... so I guess I am going through my foundations, looking for the cracks, little holes where my faith seems to be seeping out from...

Took a plunge, a step of faith yesterday. During service, I was making decisions during the whole worship session. Should I get myself back into CG, etc. Do I really have the strength or faith to go through with the decision if I were to choose to get myself committed once again. Thoughts flew in and out. Encouraging and inspiring thought rushed into me. I was full of hope and the future started to brighten up. I made the decision. I decided to talk to my CGL and asked him if I can visit thursday CG, so that my weekends will be more freed up, etc.

However, after everything was said and settled, even committing myself to visit my choir IC's CG, fear started to rush in. Faith began to crumble. Everything seem to be impossible once again. I was so scared. I was really unsure if I can actually go through with the decision that I have made. However, after reading a chapter of Rick Warren's A Purpose Driven Life book, which I have been doing lately, I decided to give this a shot, not to trust in my emotions, fears, etc but to really go through with it, trusting that God will pull me through. I really do not know how it will end up. But one thing for sure, it will be a ride... Having gotten out of the ride once, I am getting back into it again... I do really wish that as I put forward feet, God will help me drag the other leg and direct my paths.

Anyway, I will be visting another church, which my grandpa is attending with my siblings this weekend. I am glad that my siblings are willing to go to church. I do really hope that this weekend will be a blast into our brighter future. As of now, as I am still warring with my mind, having second thoughts about the decisions that I have made, I can only hope and pray. I know that if I make a move, a decision, He will certainly aid me in ways I never thought He would.

2 Tim 1:7
"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind."

F.A.I.T.H... Not as easy as it seems!

"Forsaking All, I trust in Him," the phrase, which I have used for this blog as its title, is not an easy one to behold. Apparently, in short, this phrase makes out to be FAITH! Faith... as simple as it may seem, is something, which I find it hard to grab on to.

Forsaking all, being selfless... putting others before self, letting go of all the past experiences, letting God be my Deliverer... etc. These are the basics of Christianity... the foundation of our spiritual journey with God. Wrong? Yeah... so I guess I am going through my foundations, looking for the cracks, little holes where my faith seems to be seeping out from...

Took a plunge, a step of faith yesterday. During service, I was making decisions during the whole worship session. Should I get myself back into CG, etc. Do I really have the strength or faith to go through with the decision if I were to choose to get myself committed once again. Thoughts flew in and out. Encouraging and inspiring thought rushed into me. I was full of hope and the future started to brighten up. I made the decision. I decided to talk to my CGL and asked him if I can visit thursday CG, so that my weekends will be more freed up, etc.

However, after everything was said and settled, even committing myself to visit my choir IC's CG, fear started to rush in. Faith began to crumble. Everything seem to be impossible once again. I was so scared. I was really unsure if I can actually go through with the decision that I have made. However, after reading a chapter of Rick Warren's A Purpose Driven Life book, which I have been doing lately, I decided to give this a shot, not to trust in my emotions, fears, etc but to really go through with it, trusting that God will pull me through. I really do not know how it will end up. But one thing for sure, it will be a ride... Having gotten out of the ride once, I am getting back into it again... I do really wish that as I put forward feet, God will help me drag the other leg and direct my paths.

Anyway, I will be visting another church, which my grandpa is attending with my siblings this weekend. I am glad that my siblings are willing to go to church. I do really hope that this weekend will be a blast into our brighter future. As of now, as I am still warring with my mind, having second thoughts about the decisions that I have made, I can only hope and pray. I know that if I make a move, a decision, He will certainly aid me in ways I never thought He would.

2 Tim 1:7
"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind."

cuTey Toonz

The way you present a message actually does matter! Just look at these! Gentle, inspiring and they simply make you re-assess yourself!

cuTey Toonz

The way you present a message actually does matter! Just look at these! Gentle, inspiring and they simply make you re-assess yourself!

What a BeAuTiFul Day! =)

The dark clouds are floating away, revealing a beautiful and majestic sun... that brings light into this small world of mine! I must really say how blessed I am to be able sit here, listening to Corrine May's songs... I am really just letting this beautiful moment gets into my soul, enjoying every seconds of it...

"I often feel like I'm two steps behind
Somebody must have moved that finish line
There are a thousand reasons
Why I should give up
But I'm stubborn in the things I believe"

Woke up early this morning, at around 9:30am just to pack my room and to vaccum the floor, basically, helping out in the household chores... which I have been trying to run away from for the past few years... haha... Not that I am loving it now, but it is just the joy of being able to be a blessing in this family of mine that made me want to love it. Slow steps was what Sister Sandy said. This is one of the slow steps, which I believe I am taking, not wanting to overwhelm myself with stress and stuffs. I did sweat alot during the course of vaccuming the whole house and that I really enjoyed! Haha... Had an hour of workout by vaccuming plus a happier mother at the end of this service that I had done! =) It certainly feels great to be able to take on small steps towards loving my family. As you can see, I am all smiles and I do love this wonderful day... I am certainly looking forward to every minutes of the remaining day.

I was surprised that I was able to wake up at 9:30am, considering I had a long chat with Sister Sandy all the way until the wee hours of the night.... reached home at around 1am... and after finishing my shower and stuff, it was already 1:30am. Oh... I did not sleep immediately though... entertained myself for another 45 mins before deciding that I needed to end the day!

The chat with Sister Sandy was ReFreshing! She really touched my spirit and heart... causing me to break down from the inside out. Really never wanted her to know about the state that I am in... for fear of disappointing her. It is like you never want to let your loved ones know that you are struggling even though you know that they will care. She was one of the few whom I really love and and cherish in church. Sister Sandy was very funny throughout the chat that we had! Haha... I could really feel that she was trying to be careful with the words that she was using, always seeking to let her love touch me instead of the message that she was trying to convey. One thing that she said, which really touched me was this, "Please do not think that I am here to challenge or to push you; the reason I am here is that I want to make a commitment with you, not wanting you to make silly decisions." My whole spirit just exploded when the love behind that word entered my being. She is simply great!!

When I first came to church, I never thought that I am going to have such a beautiful relationship with one of the KEY person in church. She was like so far away, like an idol whom you will be happy just to be in the same sanctuary as she is in, let alone the thought of having a friendship with her. We do have a leader to member relationship, yet on top of that, there is the trust in this relationship like those will have between two close friends. I cannot empasis how much I cherish this relationship. As I was sharing with her about this relationship that I have with her, it made me realise that God was once far-fetched, never thought that He will come down to my level, to know me personally... to commune and to embrace me, but I was wrong. =) Just like God, Sister Sandy showed me this kind of unconditional love. She loved me for who I am, no matter how imperfect I am, she is willing to love me just as much. God is indeed love and like what Pst Mike shared, your loving actions will flow out of the love that's within you. We had a great time. She opened herself up to me too, by sharing some of the more personal stuff about her with me. I have to say that am honored to have her shared so much with. She didn't have to but she chose to!

Burdens started to lift up, faith started to arise... At last, this grim task of wanting to be a blessing in the family started to surface from the blurry water that it was in previously. Throughout the course of the conversation, I come to the realisation that I was actually my greatest enemy. I was always the one condemning myself, the one who told me how bad it was. I became the devil's advocate. In fact, I became one of his best, the secret weapon to destroying my soul. How difficult one can get things into perspective when you, yourself is coming to you with all the "truths" that apparently made sense. However, in this case, the "truths" made me worse and caused me to fall back further in the dark, cold shadows; made embracing the truths a daunting task!

Praise God for Sister Sandy. Thank God for being my God, always waiting patiently for this prodigal son's return. I have now more faith... knowing that I really can walk out of this tunnel. Though I hate this tunnel that embraces darkness, I cannot deny that it made my life more interesting and colourful. Life is full of ups and downs and yes, the ups colour your life but it is the downs that made the colours, the ups brought, even more constrasting and brighter! I am walking down this road of recovery as Sister Sandy would describe it and yes, I am definitely looking forward to a new me. One that loves me even more and one that really do know my position in Christ, His love for me, His preparation that He has done for me in my life! Glory to God. The upcoming weeks will surely be intense as the devil knows that I have picked up my feet to start walking again. I do really pray that I will have the courage to approach the friends that I have to help me through these trying times. Thank God! Hallelujah!

What a BeAuTiFul Day! =)

The dark clouds are floating away, revealing a beautiful and majestic sun... that brings light into this small world of mine! I must really say how blessed I am to be able sit here, listening to Corrine May's songs... I am really just letting this beautiful moment gets into my soul, enjoying every seconds of it...

"I often feel like I'm two steps behind
Somebody must have moved that finish line
There are a thousand reasons
Why I should give up
But I'm stubborn in the things I believe"

Woke up early this morning, at around 9:30am just to pack my room and to vaccum the floor, basically, helping out in the household chores... which I have been trying to run away from for the past few years... haha... Not that I am loving it now, but it is just the joy of being able to be a blessing in this family of mine that made me want to love it. Slow steps was what Sister Sandy said. This is one of the slow steps, which I believe I am taking, not wanting to overwhelm myself with stress and stuffs. I did sweat alot during the course of vaccuming the whole house and that I really enjoyed! Haha... Had an hour of workout by vaccuming plus a happier mother at the end of this service that I had done! =) It certainly feels great to be able to take on small steps towards loving my family. As you can see, I am all smiles and I do love this wonderful day... I am certainly looking forward to every minutes of the remaining day.

I was surprised that I was able to wake up at 9:30am, considering I had a long chat with Sister Sandy all the way until the wee hours of the night.... reached home at around 1am... and after finishing my shower and stuff, it was already 1:30am. Oh... I did not sleep immediately though... entertained myself for another 45 mins before deciding that I needed to end the day!

The chat with Sister Sandy was ReFreshing! She really touched my spirit and heart... causing me to break down from the inside out. Really never wanted her to know about the state that I am in... for fear of disappointing her. It is like you never want to let your loved ones know that you are struggling even though you know that they will care. She was one of the few whom I really love and and cherish in church. Sister Sandy was very funny throughout the chat that we had! Haha... I could really feel that she was trying to be careful with the words that she was using, always seeking to let her love touch me instead of the message that she was trying to convey. One thing that she said, which really touched me was this, "Please do not think that I am here to challenge or to push you; the reason I am here is that I want to make a commitment with you, not wanting you to make silly decisions." My whole spirit just exploded when the love behind that word entered my being. She is simply great!!

When I first came to church, I never thought that I am going to have such a beautiful relationship with one of the KEY person in church. She was like so far away, like an idol whom you will be happy just to be in the same sanctuary as she is in, let alone the thought of having a friendship with her. We do have a leader to member relationship, yet on top of that, there is the trust in this relationship like those will have between two close friends. I cannot empasis how much I cherish this relationship. As I was sharing with her about this relationship that I have with her, it made me realise that God was once far-fetched, never thought that He will come down to my level, to know me personally... to commune and to embrace me, but I was wrong. =) Just like God, Sister Sandy showed me this kind of unconditional love. She loved me for who I am, no matter how imperfect I am, she is willing to love me just as much. God is indeed love and like what Pst Mike shared, your loving actions will flow out of the love that's within you. We had a great time. She opened herself up to me too, by sharing some of the more personal stuff about her with me. I have to say that am honored to have her shared so much with. She didn't have to but she chose to!

Burdens started to lift up, faith started to arise... At last, this grim task of wanting to be a blessing in the family started to surface from the blurry water that it was in previously. Throughout the course of the conversation, I come to the realisation that I was actually my greatest enemy. I was always the one condemning myself, the one who told me how bad it was. I became the devil's advocate. In fact, I became one of his best, the secret weapon to destroying my soul. How difficult one can get things into perspective when you, yourself is coming to you with all the "truths" that apparently made sense. However, in this case, the "truths" made me worse and caused me to fall back further in the dark, cold shadows; made embracing the truths a daunting task!

Praise God for Sister Sandy. Thank God for being my God, always waiting patiently for this prodigal son's return. I have now more faith... knowing that I really can walk out of this tunnel. Though I hate this tunnel that embraces darkness, I cannot deny that it made my life more interesting and colourful. Life is full of ups and downs and yes, the ups colour your life but it is the downs that made the colours, the ups brought, even more constrasting and brighter! I am walking down this road of recovery as Sister Sandy would describe it and yes, I am definitely looking forward to a new me. One that loves me even more and one that really do know my position in Christ, His love for me, His preparation that He has done for me in my life! Glory to God. The upcoming weeks will surely be intense as the devil knows that I have picked up my feet to start walking again. I do really pray that I will have the courage to approach the friends that I have to help me through these trying times. Thank God! Hallelujah!

The Story of Job... Damian's translation =)

I managed to finish my work early today and felt a stirring inside of me. It wanted me to draw something. I was sitting by my desk, wondering and waiting for an inspiration on what exactly to draw... Suddenly, a thought flashed onto the screen in my mind... I can sketch something about Job since I am reading the Book of Job right now and like him, I am facing a crisis in my life... Not really a crisis... just at a crossroad of my life... waiting to make a decision on whether to turn to the left or to the right... :) Anyway, more about me later... enjoy the picture! :)

The Story of Job... Damian's translation =)

I managed to finish my work early today and felt a stirring inside of me. It wanted me to draw something. I was sitting by my desk, wondering and waiting for an inspiration on what exactly to draw... Suddenly, a thought flashed onto the screen in my mind... I can sketch something about Job since I am reading the Book of Job right now and like him, I am facing a crisis in my life... Not really a crisis... just at a crossroad of my life... waiting to make a decision on whether to turn to the left or to the right... :) Anyway, more about me later... enjoy the picture! :)

Words from Job... and a "short" update on ME

In the midst of reading the Book of Job. Here are some verses that I really like:

Job 6:25-27

How forceful are right words!
But what does your arguing prove?
Do you intend to rebuke my words,
And the speeches of a desperate one,
which are as wind?
Yes, you overwhelm the fatherless,
And you undermine your friend.

Job 5:17-18

Behold, happy is the man
whom God corrects;
Therefore do not despise the
chastening of the Almighty.
For He bruises, but He binds up;
He wounds, but His hands make whole

To be honest, not really feeling great right now... Feeling lost... but the more people "encourage" or should I say challenge, the more I feel like going the other direction... However, I must say that I am thankful that I have these bunch of friends... they are great people. It is just that I am going through some personal struggles... which I do not wish to elaborate.

I cannot say that I like the way I am now... However, I do not despise the state that I am in right now! Seriously... not that I am enjoying... it is just that it makes everything so real! Christianity is not really about church... it is about family, church, relationships and most importantly, GOD!

How wrong was I to think that church is my refuge. It certainly is, to a certain extent! However, I abused church and God, used it to escape from my unhappiness, my hurts and whatever that I think I cannot love!

Waging war with myself now... not exactly myself... just the other side of me... my flesh. When you are in darkness, you will not think that it is the devil... but rather, everything that happens, you will think that it is YOU and YOU alone! Haha... I really cannot deny the clever tactics of the devil. I tripped me... it bruised me and of course, it cause me to fail... However, one thing for sure... he has got to do infinite times much more than that to make me quit!

At the current moment, I am not sure if this is the CHURCH way... but I do really need time alone... time to know myself... time to learn... time to get back up from my fall... time to climb out from my hole... etc... which some of you may think are excuses. To me... that's what I really need now... TIME! I do not wish to shun away from people I love in church... and I will try hard not to do that!

Everyday, I am just looking forward to the day where I can smile with no pretense. That is so precious... and it is certainly hard to wear a smile that does not belong to you... haha... But in all these, I am still hopeful and I am still thanking God.. every single day... How ironic can this be right? hahahaha... trying to find the good in all these bad! :) The other thing I can do beside wallowing in my own misery is to find the little bits and pieces of love around me... waiting in faith that the mighty hand of God will be tangibly upon me soon.

Dear all the friends who love and care for me... I am doing great at work! In fact, I am enjoying every single bit of it. :) If you wanna pray for me, pray that I will have wisdom change the things I can change, including changing myself, and to have the strength and patience to accept the things that I cannot change. A part of me love the me now and the other says that I have to be stronger than now, to be able to shine in my own family, as well as my spiritual family. Of course I know that I should go after the latter and that is why I am battling with myself.

I simply love to blog... never feel more relieved and peaceful... It just simply allows you to pour your soul and there is something true in the saying, "If you keep everything to yourself, it is bad for your health." I find that blogging gives me something that is lacking in human communication, that is if I were to pour my heart out to a human. Blogging is slow to speak and quick to listen... Never hasty on suggestions... always here to let me give my inputs... no matter how sometimes I get too emotional, it is still there... unless of course there is a power failure! Haha. :) Oh... blogging is great... but talking to God is much much more better! Haha... haha... not trying to undermine God in any ways! :) He is the reason why I am going through... because I want to love Him more, to honor Him more... the reason why I am still in and not out! :)

So much for the "short" update on ME. Don't be shock... don't even think you know what I am going through... :) let alone the comments or "encouragements." If you must comment, let it be out of your heart. :) oops... am I a little offensive? Hehe... Nah... I love you guys... =) just look at the number of smileys I put in this whole post, you can guess that I am not intending to be crude or offensive. :) Haha... so long friends... and see ya again, Blog!

Words from Job... and a "short" update on ME

In the midst of reading the Book of Job. Here are some verses that I really like:

Job 6:25-27

How forceful are right words!
But what does your arguing prove?
Do you intend to rebuke my words,
And the speeches of a desperate one,
which are as wind?
Yes, you overwhelm the fatherless,
And you undermine your friend.

Job 5:17-18

Behold, happy is the man
whom God corrects;
Therefore do not despise the
chastening of the Almighty.
For He bruises, but He binds up;
He wounds, but His hands make whole

To be honest, not really feeling great right now... Feeling lost... but the more people "encourage" or should I say challenge, the more I feel like going the other direction... However, I must say that I am thankful that I have these bunch of friends... they are great people. It is just that I am going through some personal struggles... which I do not wish to elaborate.

I cannot say that I like the way I am now... However, I do not despise the state that I am in right now! Seriously... not that I am enjoying... it is just that it makes everything so real! Christianity is not really about church... it is about family, church, relationships and most importantly, GOD!

How wrong was I to think that church is my refuge. It certainly is, to a certain extent! However, I abused church and God, used it to escape from my unhappiness, my hurts and whatever that I think I cannot love!

Waging war with myself now... not exactly myself... just the other side of me... my flesh. When you are in darkness, you will not think that it is the devil... but rather, everything that happens, you will think that it is YOU and YOU alone! Haha... I really cannot deny the clever tactics of the devil. I tripped me... it bruised me and of course, it cause me to fail... However, one thing for sure... he has got to do infinite times much more than that to make me quit!

At the current moment, I am not sure if this is the CHURCH way... but I do really need time alone... time to know myself... time to learn... time to get back up from my fall... time to climb out from my hole... etc... which some of you may think are excuses. To me... that's what I really need now... TIME! I do not wish to shun away from people I love in church... and I will try hard not to do that!

Everyday, I am just looking forward to the day where I can smile with no pretense. That is so precious... and it is certainly hard to wear a smile that does not belong to you... haha... But in all these, I am still hopeful and I am still thanking God.. every single day... How ironic can this be right? hahahaha... trying to find the good in all these bad! :) The other thing I can do beside wallowing in my own misery is to find the little bits and pieces of love around me... waiting in faith that the mighty hand of God will be tangibly upon me soon.

Dear all the friends who love and care for me... I am doing great at work! In fact, I am enjoying every single bit of it. :) If you wanna pray for me, pray that I will have wisdom change the things I can change, including changing myself, and to have the strength and patience to accept the things that I cannot change. A part of me love the me now and the other says that I have to be stronger than now, to be able to shine in my own family, as well as my spiritual family. Of course I know that I should go after the latter and that is why I am battling with myself.

I simply love to blog... never feel more relieved and peaceful... It just simply allows you to pour your soul and there is something true in the saying, "If you keep everything to yourself, it is bad for your health." I find that blogging gives me something that is lacking in human communication, that is if I were to pour my heart out to a human. Blogging is slow to speak and quick to listen... Never hasty on suggestions... always here to let me give my inputs... no matter how sometimes I get too emotional, it is still there... unless of course there is a power failure! Haha. :) Oh... blogging is great... but talking to God is much much more better! Haha... haha... not trying to undermine God in any ways! :) He is the reason why I am going through... because I want to love Him more, to honor Him more... the reason why I am still in and not out! :)

So much for the "short" update on ME. Don't be shock... don't even think you know what I am going through... :) let alone the comments or "encouragements." If you must comment, let it be out of your heart. :) oops... am I a little offensive? Hehe... Nah... I love you guys... =) just look at the number of smileys I put in this whole post, you can guess that I am not intending to be crude or offensive. :) Haha... so long friends... and see ya again, Blog!