At last... I was able to NOT go to work on a rainy morning! I was working for the past 4 days! haha... even though there were 2 holidays!!!! Hmpf! Haha... So here I am... early in the morning... with nothing much to do! The plan was to go for a swim... but just like I have mentioned... IT'S RAINING! =( So i guess that's off!
Oh! I got another agenda... I have to a radiology clinic for a Chest X-Ray! Wow... that's serious! I have been coughing for weeks and I have this wheezing sound when I breathe in and out. Of course, this is affecting my daily life. I pity my colleagues because they have to bear with my LOUD coughs and the bugs that I may be spreading! Muahaha... so yeah... may be going back to bed before making this trip down to Jurong East for the scan! Oh! After that, I will be going for my LONG-AWAITED haircut! I hate long and thick hair!!! They are so hard to style... man.... Thank God that this is THE DAY!!!! =)
Reviewing this post showed me that it is really unorganized! haha... with not theme at all! I guess this is just an update since it has been a while I last posted! Anyway, I am currently reading a book, sent to me by an anonymous person! The title of the book is "Have You Felt Like Giving Up Lately." I have to say the author who wrote this is really real... Not just about FAITH preaching. Rather he really comes from a human point and really review the struggles we all go through. Though I still struggle through some of the truths, coming to terms with some of it, I really enjoy this book! I am praying that God will continue to bless and strengthen me! =)
So as this is a blog which people whom I know may read and one of them may be the one who gave me this book, I just wanna say thanks! Haha... though it was weird like... the books you receive really depends on how people perceive your spiritual life! Haha... If you are doing well, you may be getting another book and stuff! Though it can be rather shallow at times... but I really thank God for bringing this book to me. I have yet to finish it and sure, it is already pouring new wine into me! :)
Finally, I just wanna thank all my cool friends who have been faithfully praying for me! God bless you people! See ya!
Friday, November 04, 2005
Sunday, October 23, 2005
Newest member to the FAMILY!
Haha... yes! the title can be misleading! If you think that my mum has given birth, you are WRONG! haha... the newest member to our NG FAMILY is a RABBIT! haha.. yes! you have heard me... a netherland dwarf! my bro has given him/her a name. oh.. for your info, I do not know its sex! haha... anyway, his/her name is NOVA! :) COol eh? we are definitely having a lot of fun with this new cutie now! let's hope it is not short-lived! Hahaha... Oh! here is a pic of it... I mean him/her!
Newest member to the FAMILY!
Haha... yes! the title can be misleading! If you think that my mum has given birth, you are WRONG! haha... the newest member to our NG FAMILY is a RABBIT! haha.. yes! you have heard me... a netherland dwarf! my bro has given him/her a name. oh.. for your info, I do not know its sex! haha... anyway, his/her name is NOVA! :) COol eh? we are definitely having a lot of fun with this new cutie now! let's hope it is not short-lived! Hahaha... Oh! here is a pic of it... I mean him/her!
Thursday, October 20, 2005
Emotions: The GOOD and The BAD
Firstly, I just want to thank God that He has made us to be emotional creatures. Without that, we will not be able to experience love, gratitude, and many others. However, just like every other things... there are opposites. As there are good emotions, there are certainly undesirable ones! However, this make us unique and UNPREDICTABLE! We are different from the animal kingdom where SCIENTIST can learn how an animal will react and it will do in a particular situation. For us, human beings, scientisit can claim all they want but seriously, we do not have a fixed pattern for every single one. Everyone will react different to a similar situation.
Just yesterday, I went through the dark trenchs of emotion. Something happened, obviously. I came to know of a particular thing and, to be honest, it was something that was special to me. That thing was a she and this she is someone I really like but was in more than one ways, incompatible. We have talked about it and have decided to move on. However, just like I have mentioned that emotions can be good, they can get rather STICKY sometimes! I have tried to let it go and I guess bits of it has left. Anyway, I knew that it was hard for us to be together.
Then yesterday, as I was preparing to leave for work, I decided to surf around Friendster. I was just browsing through Friendster and I saw that she had updated her profile. Out of curiousity, I decided to check it out. As it turns out, she changed her status to "In a Relationship." At that point in time, I was still fine. Did not think much about it. In fact, I was happy for her! :)
About an hour passed, I was sitting in front of my computer in my office, going through my normal routine. Answering E-MAILs! Then sudddenly, I noticed that my handphone has litted up. I took it and found out that I have received a message. Pressed a few buttons and the message loaded. It was from her, the girl whom I have just visited in Friendster earlier on. She asked me how I am and informed me that she is officially attached. It was at this particular moment that I went out of control. I did not know what hit me! I was still happy for her. However, my emotions took a dip and I landed without knowing that I just had a long, long dip down into its trenches. That fall was painful. I replied her and wished her all the best. Soon, I became bitter and I hated LOVE. It all happened in a matter of minutes. - -"
Though I already knew that we will not be together and have already chosen to push her out of my heart, it still hurts like mad! I began to conjure up with phrases like " Love is to give and sometimes, it hurts so much that you want to think twice before giving." Okay... this is not exactly due to the fact that she is attached. Another factor, which may have contributed this ticket to the trenches, is that I currently like a girl now. It kind of made me feel that love is just a STUPID game. You will like someone and that someone may not like you. However, there may be another one whom will like you but you will never like that someone. I became a bit cynical and for the whole of yesterday, I was really disturbed by it.
I hated love and I hated the fact that no matter how much you may want to give to a person, she may not even be with you. Yes, according to the truth, love is to give and not expecting anything back. But let's be more practical and honest, we do expect that at least we can be with the person whom we are giving to, because we like that person. Bitterness started to fill my heart and I really wanted to STOP loving! At that point in time, I hated love in its entirety! Every single bit of it. It really ruined my whole day. I was depressed and moody at work, at gym after work and during supper, after gym! Throughout the day, I was having a few brief periods of spasm! I was swearing within me and this really shocked me! Haha... I have not being so emotionally charged for a while and I was shocked that I was totally uncontrollable. Thank God for a good friend whom I have in my office. I shared with him and he encouraged me.
When I reached home, I was bitter to the brim! All the negative emotions were welling inside of me! I was angry; I was bitter; I was hopeless; I was basically negative. I decided to worship God. I grabbed my guitar and started playing a song. Then, I took out a worship DVD and started worshipping God, immersing in His presence. This lifted some of the emotions (bad). I followed with communicating this load of emotions to God. I prayed that He will help me share this burden, to ease my load. I have to say that it was good. When I woke up this morning, I was renewed and recharged. I no longer feel so negative about loving. It just feels good to be out of the trenches. Definitely, we will go through emotional highs and lows and this is what makes it all SO INTERESTING! Haha... It really colours my life. Though it may hurt and I was definitely shocked with what happend to me yesterday. But I am glad that it did too! I mean, to see it in a the cup is half full perspective, at least I got the chance to experience love. Love is giving and sometimes it does really hurt! God loves us and sent His only Son to die for us on the cross! It hurts Him to see His Son crucified! Thank God for walking with me and for carrying me!
I am amused by all that has happened. Sure, we may think that we can handle a certain situation when it comes but then again, when it hits you, we may not be able to handle it in the way we wanted to! Expected events, as in I know that she will get attached one day, but unexpected reactions. I did not know that it can really affect me so much! To love is definitely good. I could have posted an entry yesterday and ranted on how sucky love is. But in reality, love is definitely the sweetest things on earth!
Love brings you to places in your emotions you have never been to and love brings out the real you, you never thought you are, both the good and the bad. I will definitely cherish love and learn how to love, to give and to cherish. Praise God for love. Let me end with this poem (not by me). It talks about how unexpected things can happen during the day but it is how we get ourselves prepared before going into the day. Love it very much!
THE DIFFERENCE
I got up early one morning
and rushed right into the day.
I had so much to accomplish
that I didn't have time to pray.
Problems just tumbled about me
and heavier came each task.
'Why doesn't God help me?' I wondered,
He anwsered, 'You didn't ask.'
I wanted to see joy and beauty,
but the day toiled on gray and bleak,
I wondered why God didn't show me,
He said, 'You didn't seek.'
I tried to come into God's presence,
I used all my keys at the lock,
God gently and lovingly chided,
'My child, you didn't knock.'
I woke up early this morning,
and paused before entering the day.
I had so much to accomplish,
thatI had to take time to pray.
Just yesterday, I went through the dark trenchs of emotion. Something happened, obviously. I came to know of a particular thing and, to be honest, it was something that was special to me. That thing was a she and this she is someone I really like but was in more than one ways, incompatible. We have talked about it and have decided to move on. However, just like I have mentioned that emotions can be good, they can get rather STICKY sometimes! I have tried to let it go and I guess bits of it has left. Anyway, I knew that it was hard for us to be together.
Then yesterday, as I was preparing to leave for work, I decided to surf around Friendster. I was just browsing through Friendster and I saw that she had updated her profile. Out of curiousity, I decided to check it out. As it turns out, she changed her status to "In a Relationship." At that point in time, I was still fine. Did not think much about it. In fact, I was happy for her! :)
About an hour passed, I was sitting in front of my computer in my office, going through my normal routine. Answering E-MAILs! Then sudddenly, I noticed that my handphone has litted up. I took it and found out that I have received a message. Pressed a few buttons and the message loaded. It was from her, the girl whom I have just visited in Friendster earlier on. She asked me how I am and informed me that she is officially attached. It was at this particular moment that I went out of control. I did not know what hit me! I was still happy for her. However, my emotions took a dip and I landed without knowing that I just had a long, long dip down into its trenches. That fall was painful. I replied her and wished her all the best. Soon, I became bitter and I hated LOVE. It all happened in a matter of minutes. - -"
Though I already knew that we will not be together and have already chosen to push her out of my heart, it still hurts like mad! I began to conjure up with phrases like " Love is to give and sometimes, it hurts so much that you want to think twice before giving." Okay... this is not exactly due to the fact that she is attached. Another factor, which may have contributed this ticket to the trenches, is that I currently like a girl now. It kind of made me feel that love is just a STUPID game. You will like someone and that someone may not like you. However, there may be another one whom will like you but you will never like that someone. I became a bit cynical and for the whole of yesterday, I was really disturbed by it.
I hated love and I hated the fact that no matter how much you may want to give to a person, she may not even be with you. Yes, according to the truth, love is to give and not expecting anything back. But let's be more practical and honest, we do expect that at least we can be with the person whom we are giving to, because we like that person. Bitterness started to fill my heart and I really wanted to STOP loving! At that point in time, I hated love in its entirety! Every single bit of it. It really ruined my whole day. I was depressed and moody at work, at gym after work and during supper, after gym! Throughout the day, I was having a few brief periods of spasm! I was swearing within me and this really shocked me! Haha... I have not being so emotionally charged for a while and I was shocked that I was totally uncontrollable. Thank God for a good friend whom I have in my office. I shared with him and he encouraged me.
When I reached home, I was bitter to the brim! All the negative emotions were welling inside of me! I was angry; I was bitter; I was hopeless; I was basically negative. I decided to worship God. I grabbed my guitar and started playing a song. Then, I took out a worship DVD and started worshipping God, immersing in His presence. This lifted some of the emotions (bad). I followed with communicating this load of emotions to God. I prayed that He will help me share this burden, to ease my load. I have to say that it was good. When I woke up this morning, I was renewed and recharged. I no longer feel so negative about loving. It just feels good to be out of the trenches. Definitely, we will go through emotional highs and lows and this is what makes it all SO INTERESTING! Haha... It really colours my life. Though it may hurt and I was definitely shocked with what happend to me yesterday. But I am glad that it did too! I mean, to see it in a the cup is half full perspective, at least I got the chance to experience love. Love is giving and sometimes it does really hurt! God loves us and sent His only Son to die for us on the cross! It hurts Him to see His Son crucified! Thank God for walking with me and for carrying me!
I am amused by all that has happened. Sure, we may think that we can handle a certain situation when it comes but then again, when it hits you, we may not be able to handle it in the way we wanted to! Expected events, as in I know that she will get attached one day, but unexpected reactions. I did not know that it can really affect me so much! To love is definitely good. I could have posted an entry yesterday and ranted on how sucky love is. But in reality, love is definitely the sweetest things on earth!
Love brings you to places in your emotions you have never been to and love brings out the real you, you never thought you are, both the good and the bad. I will definitely cherish love and learn how to love, to give and to cherish. Praise God for love. Let me end with this poem (not by me). It talks about how unexpected things can happen during the day but it is how we get ourselves prepared before going into the day. Love it very much!
THE DIFFERENCE
I got up early one morning
and rushed right into the day.
I had so much to accomplish
that I didn't have time to pray.
Problems just tumbled about me
and heavier came each task.
'Why doesn't God help me?' I wondered,
He anwsered, 'You didn't ask.'
I wanted to see joy and beauty,
but the day toiled on gray and bleak,
I wondered why God didn't show me,
He said, 'You didn't seek.'
I tried to come into God's presence,
I used all my keys at the lock,
God gently and lovingly chided,
'My child, you didn't knock.'
I woke up early this morning,
and paused before entering the day.
I had so much to accomplish,
thatI had to take time to pray.
Emotions: The GOOD and The BAD
Firstly, I just want to thank God that He has made us to be emotional creatures. Without that, we will not be able to experience love, gratitude, and many others. However, just like every other things... there are opposites. As there are good emotions, there are certainly undesirable ones! However, this make us unique and UNPREDICTABLE! We are different from the animal kingdom where SCIENTIST can learn how an animal will react and it will do in a particular situation. For us, human beings, scientisit can claim all they want but seriously, we do not have a fixed pattern for every single one. Everyone will react different to a similar situation.
Just yesterday, I went through the dark trenchs of emotion. Something happened, obviously. I came to know of a particular thing and, to be honest, it was something that was special to me. That thing was a she and this she is someone I really like but was in more than one ways, incompatible. We have talked about it and have decided to move on. However, just like I have mentioned that emotions can be good, they can get rather STICKY sometimes! I have tried to let it go and I guess bits of it has left. Anyway, I knew that it was hard for us to be together.
Then yesterday, as I was preparing to leave for work, I decided to surf around Friendster. I was just browsing through Friendster and I saw that she had updated her profile. Out of curiousity, I decided to check it out. As it turns out, she changed her status to "In a Relationship." At that point in time, I was still fine. Did not think much about it. In fact, I was happy for her! :)
About an hour passed, I was sitting in front of my computer in my office, going through my normal routine. Answering E-MAILs! Then sudddenly, I noticed that my handphone has litted up. I took it and found out that I have received a message. Pressed a few buttons and the message loaded. It was from her, the girl whom I have just visited in Friendster earlier on. She asked me how I am and informed me that she is officially attached. It was at this particular moment that I went out of control. I did not know what hit me! I was still happy for her. However, my emotions took a dip and I landed without knowing that I just had a long, long dip down into its trenches. That fall was painful. I replied her and wished her all the best. Soon, I became bitter and I hated LOVE. It all happened in a matter of minutes. - -"
Though I already knew that we will not be together and have already chosen to push her out of my heart, it still hurts like mad! I began to conjure up with phrases like " Love is to give and sometimes, it hurts so much that you want to think twice before giving." Okay... this is not exactly due to the fact that she is attached. Another factor, which may have contributed this ticket to the trenches, is that I currently like a girl now. It kind of made me feel that love is just a STUPID game. You will like someone and that someone may not like you. However, there may be another one whom will like you but you will never like that someone. I became a bit cynical and for the whole of yesterday, I was really disturbed by it.
I hated love and I hated the fact that no matter how much you may want to give to a person, she may not even be with you. Yes, according to the truth, love is to give and not expecting anything back. But let's be more practical and honest, we do expect that at least we can be with the person whom we are giving to, because we like that person. Bitterness started to fill my heart and I really wanted to STOP loving! At that point in time, I hated love in its entirety! Every single bit of it. It really ruined my whole day. I was depressed and moody at work, at gym after work and during supper, after gym! Throughout the day, I was having a few brief periods of spasm! I was swearing within me and this really shocked me! Haha... I have not being so emotionally charged for a while and I was shocked that I was totally uncontrollable. Thank God for a good friend whom I have in my office. I shared with him and he encouraged me.
When I reached home, I was bitter to the brim! All the negative emotions were welling inside of me! I was angry; I was bitter; I was hopeless; I was basically negative. I decided to worship God. I grabbed my guitar and started playing a song. Then, I took out a worship DVD and started worshipping God, immersing in His presence. This lifted some of the emotions (bad). I followed with communicating this load of emotions to God. I prayed that He will help me share this burden, to ease my load. I have to say that it was good. When I woke up this morning, I was renewed and recharged. I no longer feel so negative about loving. It just feels good to be out of the trenches. Definitely, we will go through emotional highs and lows and this is what makes it all SO INTERESTING! Haha... It really colours my life. Though it may hurt and I was definitely shocked with what happend to me yesterday. But I am glad that it did too! I mean, to see it in a the cup is half full perspective, at least I got the chance to experience love. Love is giving and sometimes it does really hurt! God loves us and sent His only Son to die for us on the cross! It hurts Him to see His Son crucified! Thank God for walking with me and for carrying me!
I am amused by all that has happened. Sure, we may think that we can handle a certain situation when it comes but then again, when it hits you, we may not be able to handle it in the way we wanted to! Expected events, as in I know that she will get attached one day, but unexpected reactions. I did not know that it can really affect me so much! To love is definitely good. I could have posted an entry yesterday and ranted on how sucky love is. But in reality, love is definitely the sweetest things on earth!
Love brings you to places in your emotions you have never been to and love brings out the real you, you never thought you are, both the good and the bad. I will definitely cherish love and learn how to love, to give and to cherish. Praise God for love. Let me end with this poem (not by me). It talks about how unexpected things can happen during the day but it is how we get ourselves prepared before going into the day. Love it very much!
THE DIFFERENCE
I got up early one morning
and rushed right into the day.
I had so much to accomplish
that I didn't have time to pray.
Problems just tumbled about me
and heavier came each task.
'Why doesn't God help me?' I wondered,
He anwsered, 'You didn't ask.'
I wanted to see joy and beauty,
but the day toiled on gray and bleak,
I wondered why God didn't show me,
He said, 'You didn't seek.'
I tried to come into God's presence,
I used all my keys at the lock,
God gently and lovingly chided,
'My child, you didn't knock.'
I woke up early this morning,
and paused before entering the day.
I had so much to accomplish,
thatI had to take time to pray.
Just yesterday, I went through the dark trenchs of emotion. Something happened, obviously. I came to know of a particular thing and, to be honest, it was something that was special to me. That thing was a she and this she is someone I really like but was in more than one ways, incompatible. We have talked about it and have decided to move on. However, just like I have mentioned that emotions can be good, they can get rather STICKY sometimes! I have tried to let it go and I guess bits of it has left. Anyway, I knew that it was hard for us to be together.
Then yesterday, as I was preparing to leave for work, I decided to surf around Friendster. I was just browsing through Friendster and I saw that she had updated her profile. Out of curiousity, I decided to check it out. As it turns out, she changed her status to "In a Relationship." At that point in time, I was still fine. Did not think much about it. In fact, I was happy for her! :)
About an hour passed, I was sitting in front of my computer in my office, going through my normal routine. Answering E-MAILs! Then sudddenly, I noticed that my handphone has litted up. I took it and found out that I have received a message. Pressed a few buttons and the message loaded. It was from her, the girl whom I have just visited in Friendster earlier on. She asked me how I am and informed me that she is officially attached. It was at this particular moment that I went out of control. I did not know what hit me! I was still happy for her. However, my emotions took a dip and I landed without knowing that I just had a long, long dip down into its trenches. That fall was painful. I replied her and wished her all the best. Soon, I became bitter and I hated LOVE. It all happened in a matter of minutes. - -"
Though I already knew that we will not be together and have already chosen to push her out of my heart, it still hurts like mad! I began to conjure up with phrases like " Love is to give and sometimes, it hurts so much that you want to think twice before giving." Okay... this is not exactly due to the fact that she is attached. Another factor, which may have contributed this ticket to the trenches, is that I currently like a girl now. It kind of made me feel that love is just a STUPID game. You will like someone and that someone may not like you. However, there may be another one whom will like you but you will never like that someone. I became a bit cynical and for the whole of yesterday, I was really disturbed by it.
I hated love and I hated the fact that no matter how much you may want to give to a person, she may not even be with you. Yes, according to the truth, love is to give and not expecting anything back. But let's be more practical and honest, we do expect that at least we can be with the person whom we are giving to, because we like that person. Bitterness started to fill my heart and I really wanted to STOP loving! At that point in time, I hated love in its entirety! Every single bit of it. It really ruined my whole day. I was depressed and moody at work, at gym after work and during supper, after gym! Throughout the day, I was having a few brief periods of spasm! I was swearing within me and this really shocked me! Haha... I have not being so emotionally charged for a while and I was shocked that I was totally uncontrollable. Thank God for a good friend whom I have in my office. I shared with him and he encouraged me.
When I reached home, I was bitter to the brim! All the negative emotions were welling inside of me! I was angry; I was bitter; I was hopeless; I was basically negative. I decided to worship God. I grabbed my guitar and started playing a song. Then, I took out a worship DVD and started worshipping God, immersing in His presence. This lifted some of the emotions (bad). I followed with communicating this load of emotions to God. I prayed that He will help me share this burden, to ease my load. I have to say that it was good. When I woke up this morning, I was renewed and recharged. I no longer feel so negative about loving. It just feels good to be out of the trenches. Definitely, we will go through emotional highs and lows and this is what makes it all SO INTERESTING! Haha... It really colours my life. Though it may hurt and I was definitely shocked with what happend to me yesterday. But I am glad that it did too! I mean, to see it in a the cup is half full perspective, at least I got the chance to experience love. Love is giving and sometimes it does really hurt! God loves us and sent His only Son to die for us on the cross! It hurts Him to see His Son crucified! Thank God for walking with me and for carrying me!
I am amused by all that has happened. Sure, we may think that we can handle a certain situation when it comes but then again, when it hits you, we may not be able to handle it in the way we wanted to! Expected events, as in I know that she will get attached one day, but unexpected reactions. I did not know that it can really affect me so much! To love is definitely good. I could have posted an entry yesterday and ranted on how sucky love is. But in reality, love is definitely the sweetest things on earth!
Love brings you to places in your emotions you have never been to and love brings out the real you, you never thought you are, both the good and the bad. I will definitely cherish love and learn how to love, to give and to cherish. Praise God for love. Let me end with this poem (not by me). It talks about how unexpected things can happen during the day but it is how we get ourselves prepared before going into the day. Love it very much!
THE DIFFERENCE
I got up early one morning
and rushed right into the day.
I had so much to accomplish
that I didn't have time to pray.
Problems just tumbled about me
and heavier came each task.
'Why doesn't God help me?' I wondered,
He anwsered, 'You didn't ask.'
I wanted to see joy and beauty,
but the day toiled on gray and bleak,
I wondered why God didn't show me,
He said, 'You didn't seek.'
I tried to come into God's presence,
I used all my keys at the lock,
God gently and lovingly chided,
'My child, you didn't knock.'
I woke up early this morning,
and paused before entering the day.
I had so much to accomplish,
thatI had to take time to pray.
Saturday, October 15, 2005
May the Spirit leads me...
Have been checking on my blog daily... thinking of what to write. In the past, I would just update about what happened daily in my life. However, nowadays, I have a change of direction and instead having senseless and sometimes useless posts, I rather insert constructive ones. So it happens that today is THE day. Have nothing much to do now... wanna play the guitar but too lazy to pick it up! Ha! So here I am... opening up a new post and see what will flow out from me. I will indeed let the Spirit lead me in this post!
Lately, I have been having too much time... sometimes, not knowing how to use it! Haha... this happens after I stop most of the church activities. I am kinda giving myself a break. A break to think about the things I have been doing for the past 3 years, ever since I joined my church. To be honest, I do not think that I am really that bad now. At least, I have more time and energy to do the things, which I would not even consider doing in the past.
Actually, I have been thinking alot lately. "Bad" is really subjective. Others "bad" may not really be bad for me! I have to come to realise that I do have to change the way I judge myself. This, in itself, is a great test for me! I will always put others views and perspective on myself. Sometimes, too much! Haha... poor man! Having to think that the world is against when in reality, the opposite is true! Haha. Guess my mind is indeed very powerful! Control MY MIND!! :)
I went for service and I have to say that I really missed the peace! Haha... It was great to be able to move away from the world and get myself refreshed and soaked in the peace. It was certainly good. Let me see... I had not attended service for 2 weeks, though I did catch it online. Hmm... the online, though it is good, cannot be compared to the live service! Haha.
Having said that, I really do not know when will I like to commit myself to a cellgroup. At this moment, I really cannot see it happening anytime soon. Who knows. When God touches, your path will indefinitely be altered! haha... Sometimes, away from where you were initiately heading! Haha. Taking a step of faith seems like a milestone to me! Haha... I am keeping my heart open however. To me, I think that there are seasons in life where I really do not have the strength or faith to even take this simple step. There are times when we will be so tired, disillusioned and afraid to take this simple step. One I would take easily in the past. People have their views on how I should make decisions for myself now... how I can get out of this "pit" and the list goes on. I will just have to move on and not be affected so much. I do, however, know that I will solely responsible for every actions that I take. Haha... May sound abit arrogant... but I'm not! :) Haha... So yeah. This is uniquely my part of the journey. I am enjoying every bit of it. This blog will be about every single bit of the journey I am going through. The highs and lows... things for me to reflect back on in due time! Praise God! :)
Lately, I have been having too much time... sometimes, not knowing how to use it! Haha... this happens after I stop most of the church activities. I am kinda giving myself a break. A break to think about the things I have been doing for the past 3 years, ever since I joined my church. To be honest, I do not think that I am really that bad now. At least, I have more time and energy to do the things, which I would not even consider doing in the past.
Actually, I have been thinking alot lately. "Bad" is really subjective. Others "bad" may not really be bad for me! I have to come to realise that I do have to change the way I judge myself. This, in itself, is a great test for me! I will always put others views and perspective on myself. Sometimes, too much! Haha... poor man! Having to think that the world is against when in reality, the opposite is true! Haha. Guess my mind is indeed very powerful! Control MY MIND!! :)
I went for service and I have to say that I really missed the peace! Haha... It was great to be able to move away from the world and get myself refreshed and soaked in the peace. It was certainly good. Let me see... I had not attended service for 2 weeks, though I did catch it online. Hmm... the online, though it is good, cannot be compared to the live service! Haha.
Having said that, I really do not know when will I like to commit myself to a cellgroup. At this moment, I really cannot see it happening anytime soon. Who knows. When God touches, your path will indefinitely be altered! haha... Sometimes, away from where you were initiately heading! Haha. Taking a step of faith seems like a milestone to me! Haha... I am keeping my heart open however. To me, I think that there are seasons in life where I really do not have the strength or faith to even take this simple step. There are times when we will be so tired, disillusioned and afraid to take this simple step. One I would take easily in the past. People have their views on how I should make decisions for myself now... how I can get out of this "pit" and the list goes on. I will just have to move on and not be affected so much. I do, however, know that I will solely responsible for every actions that I take. Haha... May sound abit arrogant... but I'm not! :) Haha... So yeah. This is uniquely my part of the journey. I am enjoying every bit of it. This blog will be about every single bit of the journey I am going through. The highs and lows... things for me to reflect back on in due time! Praise God! :)
May the Spirit leads me...
Have been checking on my blog daily... thinking of what to write. In the past, I would just update about what happened daily in my life. However, nowadays, I have a change of direction and instead having senseless and sometimes useless posts, I rather insert constructive ones. So it happens that today is THE day. Have nothing much to do now... wanna play the guitar but too lazy to pick it up! Ha! So here I am... opening up a new post and see what will flow out from me. I will indeed let the Spirit lead me in this post!
Lately, I have been having too much time... sometimes, not knowing how to use it! Haha... this happens after I stop most of the church activities. I am kinda giving myself a break. A break to think about the things I have been doing for the past 3 years, ever since I joined my church. To be honest, I do not think that I am really that bad now. At least, I have more time and energy to do the things, which I would not even consider doing in the past.
Actually, I have been thinking alot lately. "Bad" is really subjective. Others "bad" may not really be bad for me! I have to come to realise that I do have to change the way I judge myself. This, in itself, is a great test for me! I will always put others views and perspective on myself. Sometimes, too much! Haha... poor man! Having to think that the world is against when in reality, the opposite is true! Haha. Guess my mind is indeed very powerful! Control MY MIND!! :)
I went for service and I have to say that I really missed the peace! Haha... It was great to be able to move away from the world and get myself refreshed and soaked in the peace. It was certainly good. Let me see... I had not attended service for 2 weeks, though I did catch it online. Hmm... the online, though it is good, cannot be compared to the live service! Haha.
Having said that, I really do not know when will I like to commit myself to a cellgroup. At this moment, I really cannot see it happening anytime soon. Who knows. When God touches, your path will indefinitely be altered! haha... Sometimes, away from where you were initiately heading! Haha. Taking a step of faith seems like a milestone to me! Haha... I am keeping my heart open however. To me, I think that there are seasons in life where I really do not have the strength or faith to even take this simple step. There are times when we will be so tired, disillusioned and afraid to take this simple step. One I would take easily in the past. People have their views on how I should make decisions for myself now... how I can get out of this "pit" and the list goes on. I will just have to move on and not be affected so much. I do, however, know that I will solely responsible for every actions that I take. Haha... May sound abit arrogant... but I'm not! :) Haha... So yeah. This is uniquely my part of the journey. I am enjoying every bit of it. This blog will be about every single bit of the journey I am going through. The highs and lows... things for me to reflect back on in due time! Praise God! :)
Lately, I have been having too much time... sometimes, not knowing how to use it! Haha... this happens after I stop most of the church activities. I am kinda giving myself a break. A break to think about the things I have been doing for the past 3 years, ever since I joined my church. To be honest, I do not think that I am really that bad now. At least, I have more time and energy to do the things, which I would not even consider doing in the past.
Actually, I have been thinking alot lately. "Bad" is really subjective. Others "bad" may not really be bad for me! I have to come to realise that I do have to change the way I judge myself. This, in itself, is a great test for me! I will always put others views and perspective on myself. Sometimes, too much! Haha... poor man! Having to think that the world is against when in reality, the opposite is true! Haha. Guess my mind is indeed very powerful! Control MY MIND!! :)
I went for service and I have to say that I really missed the peace! Haha... It was great to be able to move away from the world and get myself refreshed and soaked in the peace. It was certainly good. Let me see... I had not attended service for 2 weeks, though I did catch it online. Hmm... the online, though it is good, cannot be compared to the live service! Haha.
Having said that, I really do not know when will I like to commit myself to a cellgroup. At this moment, I really cannot see it happening anytime soon. Who knows. When God touches, your path will indefinitely be altered! haha... Sometimes, away from where you were initiately heading! Haha. Taking a step of faith seems like a milestone to me! Haha... I am keeping my heart open however. To me, I think that there are seasons in life where I really do not have the strength or faith to even take this simple step. There are times when we will be so tired, disillusioned and afraid to take this simple step. One I would take easily in the past. People have their views on how I should make decisions for myself now... how I can get out of this "pit" and the list goes on. I will just have to move on and not be affected so much. I do, however, know that I will solely responsible for every actions that I take. Haha... May sound abit arrogant... but I'm not! :) Haha... So yeah. This is uniquely my part of the journey. I am enjoying every bit of it. This blog will be about every single bit of the journey I am going through. The highs and lows... things for me to reflect back on in due time! Praise God! :)
Sunday, October 09, 2005
Blessed 24th birthday...
Once again, it is the time of the year where all my wonderful friends start sending me all those sweet and encouraging messages. Haha... Once again, I had to reflect on my 23rd year of existence! I really have come a long way but man, this is like only one third of my life! :) Certainly looking forward to be a 24 years old guy! Another new year of new things and new adventures!
Really had a wonderful time last evening. I met up with the SOT 2005's friends. They are a sweet bunch of people and I am certainly blessed to know them even though I am not in SOT 2005. :) We had dinner together, chat, shared and stuff. The last time I sat down and had a meal with them was about a month ago. I really do enjoy each and every one of the friendship with them, the bonds I have formed with them! :)
They were so sweet. Each one of them, including those who could not make it, wrote something sweet on a beautifully cut black piece of card. All these well designed cards were then slotted into another beautifully designed card holder. It liken to those one verse a day gift. Haha! Oh, they got me a stylish tee and I will certainly be parading myself in it soon! :) The funny thing was that they included the price tag with the tee. The tag on the tee and the receipt from the purchase. Everything was in it! I guess they really love me! They want me to know that the gift was not free and it did cost them something! Haha.. what a way to look at things right? Haha!
Thank you people! Thank you for your encouragements, your kind words your prayers and most importantly, the seeds that you are willing to sow into my life! I guess every year is special in its own way. The way I celebrated my birthday last year was definitely different to how it was celebrated this year! Nonetheless, I enjoyed every single bit of it! Though it is my birthday today, I am still in my office, replying emails. However, all is not lost! I have applied for leave on monday... to give myself a well-deserved rest and to do some catching up with a bro of mine from church, Mr jeremiah! :) Have a great day, people!
Really had a wonderful time last evening. I met up with the SOT 2005's friends. They are a sweet bunch of people and I am certainly blessed to know them even though I am not in SOT 2005. :) We had dinner together, chat, shared and stuff. The last time I sat down and had a meal with them was about a month ago. I really do enjoy each and every one of the friendship with them, the bonds I have formed with them! :)
They were so sweet. Each one of them, including those who could not make it, wrote something sweet on a beautifully cut black piece of card. All these well designed cards were then slotted into another beautifully designed card holder. It liken to those one verse a day gift. Haha! Oh, they got me a stylish tee and I will certainly be parading myself in it soon! :) The funny thing was that they included the price tag with the tee. The tag on the tee and the receipt from the purchase. Everything was in it! I guess they really love me! They want me to know that the gift was not free and it did cost them something! Haha.. what a way to look at things right? Haha!
Thank you people! Thank you for your encouragements, your kind words your prayers and most importantly, the seeds that you are willing to sow into my life! I guess every year is special in its own way. The way I celebrated my birthday last year was definitely different to how it was celebrated this year! Nonetheless, I enjoyed every single bit of it! Though it is my birthday today, I am still in my office, replying emails. However, all is not lost! I have applied for leave on monday... to give myself a well-deserved rest and to do some catching up with a bro of mine from church, Mr jeremiah! :) Have a great day, people!
Blessed 24th birthday...
Once again, it is the time of the year where all my wonderful friends start sending me all those sweet and encouraging messages. Haha... Once again, I had to reflect on my 23rd year of existence! I really have come a long way but man, this is like only one third of my life! :) Certainly looking forward to be a 24 years old guy! Another new year of new things and new adventures!
Really had a wonderful time last evening. I met up with the SOT 2005's friends. They are a sweet bunch of people and I am certainly blessed to know them even though I am not in SOT 2005. :) We had dinner together, chat, shared and stuff. The last time I sat down and had a meal with them was about a month ago. I really do enjoy each and every one of the friendship with them, the bonds I have formed with them! :)
They were so sweet. Each one of them, including those who could not make it, wrote something sweet on a beautifully cut black piece of card. All these well designed cards were then slotted into another beautifully designed card holder. It liken to those one verse a day gift. Haha! Oh, they got me a stylish tee and I will certainly be parading myself in it soon! :) The funny thing was that they included the price tag with the tee. The tag on the tee and the receipt from the purchase. Everything was in it! I guess they really love me! They want me to know that the gift was not free and it did cost them something! Haha.. what a way to look at things right? Haha!
Thank you people! Thank you for your encouragements, your kind words your prayers and most importantly, the seeds that you are willing to sow into my life! I guess every year is special in its own way. The way I celebrated my birthday last year was definitely different to how it was celebrated this year! Nonetheless, I enjoyed every single bit of it! Though it is my birthday today, I am still in my office, replying emails. However, all is not lost! I have applied for leave on monday... to give myself a well-deserved rest and to do some catching up with a bro of mine from church, Mr jeremiah! :) Have a great day, people!
Really had a wonderful time last evening. I met up with the SOT 2005's friends. They are a sweet bunch of people and I am certainly blessed to know them even though I am not in SOT 2005. :) We had dinner together, chat, shared and stuff. The last time I sat down and had a meal with them was about a month ago. I really do enjoy each and every one of the friendship with them, the bonds I have formed with them! :)
They were so sweet. Each one of them, including those who could not make it, wrote something sweet on a beautifully cut black piece of card. All these well designed cards were then slotted into another beautifully designed card holder. It liken to those one verse a day gift. Haha! Oh, they got me a stylish tee and I will certainly be parading myself in it soon! :) The funny thing was that they included the price tag with the tee. The tag on the tee and the receipt from the purchase. Everything was in it! I guess they really love me! They want me to know that the gift was not free and it did cost them something! Haha.. what a way to look at things right? Haha!
Thank you people! Thank you for your encouragements, your kind words your prayers and most importantly, the seeds that you are willing to sow into my life! I guess every year is special in its own way. The way I celebrated my birthday last year was definitely different to how it was celebrated this year! Nonetheless, I enjoyed every single bit of it! Though it is my birthday today, I am still in my office, replying emails. However, all is not lost! I have applied for leave on monday... to give myself a well-deserved rest and to do some catching up with a bro of mine from church, Mr jeremiah! :) Have a great day, people!
Saturday, October 08, 2005
Heart eXposed...
It has been quite a while since I last poured my heart out! I have been posting quotes and stuff but have kinda stop reveal what's in my heart. To be honest, I am not sure what are in my heart right now. Haha... So let me try finding out what's in it as I run along this track of blogging. I seriously do not know where I am running to in this post, so do stick with me! :)
I know that some of my closest friends are reading this; friends who love and want to see me do well in life. I hope that this post will not disappoint them, instead, I hope that they will understand me better and embrace me in a new light! A long of things have happened in the past couple of months. I have ventured down a path I never thought I would go. A couple of months back, I had a purpose... to love God wholeheartedly. Now, the purpose is still the same! What is different is that a few months back, I was like a man trapped in a ring. Now, the sky is the only limit. Please! I am not arguing about which is right or which is the best way. Rather, I am just airing my views and, at least, these views are right for in this moment of time.
A few months back, people told me what to do and how to do it. There were a basic requirements or actions to everything, or at least, that was what I thought. In everything that I do, I did not do it for myself. Instead, I did it because I was told. I had to do this; I had to go for this... and it goes on and on. At first, things were good! I thought I was changing for the better! From one side, it seemed like I was making good progress. Everything became more colourful! However, as I was colouring one part of my life, I did not notice that the colour I was using to fill up in this part of my life, was taken from the other part of my life! The other part rotted... and ultimately, things happened and both side of this life crumbled and fell apart! Haha... This is how disillusion works too! It makes you think that stuff are good and well on this side of the pasture but you forgot that you own the other pasture too, the one you were leaving to get to this greener pasture!
I guess I am bitter at how things turned out! However, at this moment, I am not really bitter and unhappy. Rather, I am glad and I am cherishing every moment of being able to think about what I really want to do next.
I do seriously think that I have too many voices in my head. When I wanted to do something, I had to consider this and that... how people will view me; how will this turn, etc... Haha... This is so confusing and irritating! For now, I will have to go with my gut feeling! I love what Bro Sy Roger shared. About how God gives us this boundaries and if we wander too far, He will direct us back and stuff. I am just holding on to that for now! At least for now. I guess the reason why I was put in the ring is that people do not want me to wander too far and fall deep into a bad pit. Appreciate that but I guess, sometimes, I will rather fall into one and climb out of it and learn something! I guess that's so much for now!
Tomorrow is a BIG day! My birthday! I am certainly looking forward to a beautiful year ahead! I am hopeful and certainly am feeling great right now! :) Smile!
I know that some of my closest friends are reading this; friends who love and want to see me do well in life. I hope that this post will not disappoint them, instead, I hope that they will understand me better and embrace me in a new light! A long of things have happened in the past couple of months. I have ventured down a path I never thought I would go. A couple of months back, I had a purpose... to love God wholeheartedly. Now, the purpose is still the same! What is different is that a few months back, I was like a man trapped in a ring. Now, the sky is the only limit. Please! I am not arguing about which is right or which is the best way. Rather, I am just airing my views and, at least, these views are right for in this moment of time.
A few months back, people told me what to do and how to do it. There were a basic requirements or actions to everything, or at least, that was what I thought. In everything that I do, I did not do it for myself. Instead, I did it because I was told. I had to do this; I had to go for this... and it goes on and on. At first, things were good! I thought I was changing for the better! From one side, it seemed like I was making good progress. Everything became more colourful! However, as I was colouring one part of my life, I did not notice that the colour I was using to fill up in this part of my life, was taken from the other part of my life! The other part rotted... and ultimately, things happened and both side of this life crumbled and fell apart! Haha... This is how disillusion works too! It makes you think that stuff are good and well on this side of the pasture but you forgot that you own the other pasture too, the one you were leaving to get to this greener pasture!
I guess I am bitter at how things turned out! However, at this moment, I am not really bitter and unhappy. Rather, I am glad and I am cherishing every moment of being able to think about what I really want to do next.
I do seriously think that I have too many voices in my head. When I wanted to do something, I had to consider this and that... how people will view me; how will this turn, etc... Haha... This is so confusing and irritating! For now, I will have to go with my gut feeling! I love what Bro Sy Roger shared. About how God gives us this boundaries and if we wander too far, He will direct us back and stuff. I am just holding on to that for now! At least for now. I guess the reason why I was put in the ring is that people do not want me to wander too far and fall deep into a bad pit. Appreciate that but I guess, sometimes, I will rather fall into one and climb out of it and learn something! I guess that's so much for now!
Tomorrow is a BIG day! My birthday! I am certainly looking forward to a beautiful year ahead! I am hopeful and certainly am feeling great right now! :) Smile!
Heart eXposed...
It has been quite a while since I last poured my heart out! I have been posting quotes and stuff but have kinda stop reveal what's in my heart. To be honest, I am not sure what are in my heart right now. Haha... So let me try finding out what's in it as I run along this track of blogging. I seriously do not know where I am running to in this post, so do stick with me! :)
I know that some of my closest friends are reading this; friends who love and want to see me do well in life. I hope that this post will not disappoint them, instead, I hope that they will understand me better and embrace me in a new light! A long of things have happened in the past couple of months. I have ventured down a path I never thought I would go. A couple of months back, I had a purpose... to love God wholeheartedly. Now, the purpose is still the same! What is different is that a few months back, I was like a man trapped in a ring. Now, the sky is the only limit. Please! I am not arguing about which is right or which is the best way. Rather, I am just airing my views and, at least, these views are right for in this moment of time.
A few months back, people told me what to do and how to do it. There were a basic requirements or actions to everything, or at least, that was what I thought. In everything that I do, I did not do it for myself. Instead, I did it because I was told. I had to do this; I had to go for this... and it goes on and on. At first, things were good! I thought I was changing for the better! From one side, it seemed like I was making good progress. Everything became more colourful! However, as I was colouring one part of my life, I did not notice that the colour I was using to fill up in this part of my life, was taken from the other part of my life! The other part rotted... and ultimately, things happened and both side of this life crumbled and fell apart! Haha... This is how disillusion works too! It makes you think that stuff are good and well on this side of the pasture but you forgot that you own the other pasture too, the one you were leaving to get to this greener pasture!
I guess I am bitter at how things turned out! However, at this moment, I am not really bitter and unhappy. Rather, I am glad and I am cherishing every moment of being able to think about what I really want to do next.
I do seriously think that I have too many voices in my head. When I wanted to do something, I had to consider this and that... how people will view me; how will this turn, etc... Haha... This is so confusing and irritating! For now, I will have to go with my gut feeling! I love what Bro Sy Roger shared. About how God gives us this boundaries and if we wander too far, He will direct us back and stuff. I am just holding on to that for now! At least for now. I guess the reason why I was put in the ring is that people do not want me to wander too far and fall deep into a bad pit. Appreciate that but I guess, sometimes, I will rather fall into one and climb out of it and learn something! I guess that's so much for now!
Tomorrow is a BIG day! My birthday! I am certainly looking forward to a beautiful year ahead! I am hopeful and certainly am feeling great right now! :) Smile!
I know that some of my closest friends are reading this; friends who love and want to see me do well in life. I hope that this post will not disappoint them, instead, I hope that they will understand me better and embrace me in a new light! A long of things have happened in the past couple of months. I have ventured down a path I never thought I would go. A couple of months back, I had a purpose... to love God wholeheartedly. Now, the purpose is still the same! What is different is that a few months back, I was like a man trapped in a ring. Now, the sky is the only limit. Please! I am not arguing about which is right or which is the best way. Rather, I am just airing my views and, at least, these views are right for in this moment of time.
A few months back, people told me what to do and how to do it. There were a basic requirements or actions to everything, or at least, that was what I thought. In everything that I do, I did not do it for myself. Instead, I did it because I was told. I had to do this; I had to go for this... and it goes on and on. At first, things were good! I thought I was changing for the better! From one side, it seemed like I was making good progress. Everything became more colourful! However, as I was colouring one part of my life, I did not notice that the colour I was using to fill up in this part of my life, was taken from the other part of my life! The other part rotted... and ultimately, things happened and both side of this life crumbled and fell apart! Haha... This is how disillusion works too! It makes you think that stuff are good and well on this side of the pasture but you forgot that you own the other pasture too, the one you were leaving to get to this greener pasture!
I guess I am bitter at how things turned out! However, at this moment, I am not really bitter and unhappy. Rather, I am glad and I am cherishing every moment of being able to think about what I really want to do next.
I do seriously think that I have too many voices in my head. When I wanted to do something, I had to consider this and that... how people will view me; how will this turn, etc... Haha... This is so confusing and irritating! For now, I will have to go with my gut feeling! I love what Bro Sy Roger shared. About how God gives us this boundaries and if we wander too far, He will direct us back and stuff. I am just holding on to that for now! At least for now. I guess the reason why I was put in the ring is that people do not want me to wander too far and fall deep into a bad pit. Appreciate that but I guess, sometimes, I will rather fall into one and climb out of it and learn something! I guess that's so much for now!
Tomorrow is a BIG day! My birthday! I am certainly looking forward to a beautiful year ahead! I am hopeful and certainly am feeling great right now! :) Smile!
Sunday, October 02, 2005
Love
These great quotes are not from me... Just find that they are so inspiring. Thus copying them here, to share them with you wonderful people who is reading this blog!
Love hurts when you break up with someone.
It hurts even more when someone breaks up with you.
But love hurts the most:
When the person you love has no idea how you feel about him/her
As long as we have memories,
yesterday remains:
As long as we have hope,
Tomorrow awaits:
Have great hopes,
And dare to go all out for them:
Have great dreams,
And dare to live them:
Have great expectations,
and believe in them!
Love hurts when you break up with someone.
It hurts even more when someone breaks up with you.
But love hurts the most:
When the person you love has no idea how you feel about him/her
As long as we have memories,
yesterday remains:
As long as we have hope,
Tomorrow awaits:
Have great hopes,
And dare to go all out for them:
Have great dreams,
And dare to live them:
Have great expectations,
and believe in them!
Love
These great quotes are not from me... Just find that they are so inspiring. Thus copying them here, to share them with you wonderful people who is reading this blog!
Love hurts when you break up with someone.
It hurts even more when someone breaks up with you.
But love hurts the most:
When the person you love has no idea how you feel about him/her
As long as we have memories,
yesterday remains:
As long as we have hope,
Tomorrow awaits:
Have great hopes,
And dare to go all out for them:
Have great dreams,
And dare to live them:
Have great expectations,
and believe in them!
Love hurts when you break up with someone.
It hurts even more when someone breaks up with you.
But love hurts the most:
When the person you love has no idea how you feel about him/her
As long as we have memories,
yesterday remains:
As long as we have hope,
Tomorrow awaits:
Have great hopes,
And dare to go all out for them:
Have great dreams,
And dare to live them:
Have great expectations,
and believe in them!
Thursday, September 22, 2005
Latest Art piece
Once again, finished my work early and was able to gather enough inspiration to come up with this sketch. Thank God for gifts and talents. Never would thought that something so beautiful can come out of the first stroke... This was drawn with a pen on a quarter piece of an A4 size paper.
When there is hope, there is meaning. Now my hope is not on anything but it is on God. Hoping that He will show me the light once again! Haha... Anywayz, I still know that God is good. Thank you people for rooting for me. Not sure when I will be what you want me to be again. However, you guys just take care and I will take care too... Haha... Ciaoz.
Latest Art piece
Once again, finished my work early and was able to gather enough inspiration to come up with this sketch. Thank God for gifts and talents. Never would thought that something so beautiful can come out of the first stroke... This was drawn with a pen on a quarter piece of an A4 size paper.
When there is hope, there is meaning. Now my hope is not on anything but it is on God. Hoping that He will show me the light once again! Haha... Anywayz, I still know that God is good. Thank you people for rooting for me. Not sure when I will be what you want me to be again. However, you guys just take care and I will take care too... Haha... Ciaoz.
Monday, September 19, 2005
Losing hope? Read this post...
Recently, I posted in a Christian Forums and shared about my struggles. My disappointments, my hurts, my dilemmas, etc. Then, there was this helpful lady who replied and shared her struggles. I don't have to say much.
HER POST:
This distance feeling sometimes comes after a spiritual high. Sometimes it seems like God hides himself. I can't biblically prove it off of the top of my head, but I know that God woos us and I think his "hiding" of himself is a time when we "woo" God; like lovers do (Song of Solomon) as God is the lover of our souls. Sometimes we neglect the relationship and that creates distance. But, sometimes this rotting feeling comes from having sin in our lives.
I recently came through a period just like what you explained. I'll share my story in hopes that it will be helpful to you or to someone else reading this. I felt the distance from God too, like I didn't want to serve anymore, like everything in church was such a drag. I didn't want to hear rebuke. I was just going through the motions and felt like my insides were rotting out. I asked for help, but strangely, no one seemed to hear me.
For me, my fustrations over my unfulfilled desires for marriage, intimacy, companionship, were drawing me away. There was unforgiveness too against God. I felt that God wasn't being fair to me, wasn't rewarding me for being faithful. I did everything that singles are told to do, work on being whole, run hard after God, etc. Yet people who didn't do any of this were getting married all around me. So, I felt cheated, resentful and lied to. Very few people really knew the depth of my disappointment with God, and those that did kind of brushed it under the rug because on the outside I looked to be successful and godly and I looked like I had it all together. Plus I think, it made them uncomfortable.
Mind you, in the midst of this struggle, I was hearing from the Lord, serving, helping people. Yet, I didn't want to hear anyone lecturing me and preaching at me. I still grate at the "wait on the Lord" speech from those who got married when they were 22. I was angry at God and started to revert to old behaviors that I thought were gone (cursing, watching ungodly shows, etc.) I did these things secretly, but they would seep out once in a while. I didn't want to strive for holiness or righteousness anymore and had a "whatever" attitude towards God.
Then, a totally hot, but unsaved man who I was extremely attracted to started making advances. When he'd smile and his eyes would twinkle, my thoughts scrambled and I would just melt. When he flirted with me outwardly I remained businesslike, but inwardly I was so flattered and tempted and I think he knew it. I was playing with fire and felt myself moving closer and closer to compromise. This was not love. I knew that long term we were incompatible. I just plain-old wanted him and I knew if I gave him the signal that I could have him. In my heart I really wanted Mr. Right, but was ready settle for Mr. Right Now to satisfy my curiousity. I was tired of waiting and walking uprightly and felt like I was just wasting my time.
In the midst of all of this, I was in the church serving in 5 different ministries. No one really knew about my struggles. I felt like every time I came to church people just wanted to use me to do something for them. I rarely got a phone call unless someone wanted something. An extra pair of hands, teaching, singing, listening to others, praying for others, offering some service. I did these things and then some because I thought this is what Christians are supposed to do. But most of those people didn't really care about me as a person or about my calling from the Lord. They just wanted to get their things done. So, I started to stay away from church, only going when I had to. My love for God continued to colder and colder until I regretted that I had ever become a Christian. But it wasn't the church that made my love grow cold, it had been happening for a long time; it had been growing out of my erroneous notion that if I did x then God would do y. I felt like God just wanted me to work, work, work, while he withheld my hearts desire for love and fulfillment from me.
So ... what happened?
First, I did what you are doing now. I started asking people to pray for me. I didn't really want to, but I asked them to do it anyway because I knew it was the right thing to do. I didn't trust everyone with the details, just a few mature, godly women (I didn't feel it would be wisdom to tell a man) that I knew were discreet and that truly loved me. I confessed my thoughts and desires to them. They didn't judge or lecture me. They told me what was right; simply and with love. Then they prayed for me. I'm so grateful for that. Within a week, the hot guy stopped pursuing me, although my desire for him still remained. I was so disappointed, but I made myself keep distance from him and what was blossoming, died. In fact, our paths will no longer cross as I'm moving to a new assignment. When I said goodbye to him, God was able to give me the strength to maintain my composure and distance. Right before I left, another man, an unbeliever who had really given me a hard time about my faith, commended me on my walk and character. He encouraged me to not yield to temptation and to not compromise. He didn't know anything about my situation because I've never shared anything personal with him. So it was an encouragement from the Lord. It humbled me to think of what could have happened had it not been for the prayers of those mature saints.
Next, I cut back on the busy church stuff and started focusing more on the Lord. I started doing things like taking time to appreciate the beauty of creation, and talking to the Lord in little short prayers (thank you Lord for this beautiful day). I started physically resting and putting balance in my life. I am in the process of seeking God to see which ministries he truly wants me to serve in. I started intentionally enjoying life. And I focused on reconnecting with God. I prayed that the Lord would reignite the fire for him.
I then had to deal with the issues that drew me away. Unforgiveness towards God and lust. Although I knew I was sinning inwardly, I couldn't see exactly why premarital sex, why lust was wrong. So I prayed and asked God to show me why, in practical terms. Besides it being wrong simply because God said so, He started teaching me about the consequences beyond pregnancy and STDs and about his protection and love. There is no condom for your heart, for your spirit, for your emotions. The "protection" is within the marriage relationship, one that is brought together by God. I saw that God was not withholding from me and that marriage, like singleness, is a gift not a prize for obedience. You do not earn a gift, it is simply something that is given by the giver and then at the time of his choosing. God's commandments -- to not fornicate, to forgive, etc. are there because he loves us.
I also started visiting other churches periodically and heard messages on the grace and goodness of God. I started focusing on enjoying God. At the same time, I made myself listen to the words of rebuke, even when I didn't want to. Even though no emotions were behind my words, I repented. I asked God to give me a sincere heart, a clean heart. I asked him to bring the love emotions back again.
Little by little, he started bringing revival to my heart. Today, I am focusing relationship with God. To be honest, although I attend church regularly, I really don't want to attend my church. I'm there strictly out of obedience. But the relationship with God is now different. I don't think that we can ever really go back to the first feelings with the Lord. Like marriage, I think that over time, with deeper experience, the "feelings" are a bit deeper, a bit sweeter, a bit more profound because we learn that love is not really based on feelings, if that makes sense, but on the Lord himself.
I've shared quite a bit, I do hope that some of it is relevant to you or to others; and was helpful in some way.
Take care and God bless, "
HER POST:
This distance feeling sometimes comes after a spiritual high. Sometimes it seems like God hides himself. I can't biblically prove it off of the top of my head, but I know that God woos us and I think his "hiding" of himself is a time when we "woo" God; like lovers do (Song of Solomon) as God is the lover of our souls. Sometimes we neglect the relationship and that creates distance. But, sometimes this rotting feeling comes from having sin in our lives.
I recently came through a period just like what you explained. I'll share my story in hopes that it will be helpful to you or to someone else reading this. I felt the distance from God too, like I didn't want to serve anymore, like everything in church was such a drag. I didn't want to hear rebuke. I was just going through the motions and felt like my insides were rotting out. I asked for help, but strangely, no one seemed to hear me.
For me, my fustrations over my unfulfilled desires for marriage, intimacy, companionship, were drawing me away. There was unforgiveness too against God. I felt that God wasn't being fair to me, wasn't rewarding me for being faithful. I did everything that singles are told to do, work on being whole, run hard after God, etc. Yet people who didn't do any of this were getting married all around me. So, I felt cheated, resentful and lied to. Very few people really knew the depth of my disappointment with God, and those that did kind of brushed it under the rug because on the outside I looked to be successful and godly and I looked like I had it all together. Plus I think, it made them uncomfortable.
Mind you, in the midst of this struggle, I was hearing from the Lord, serving, helping people. Yet, I didn't want to hear anyone lecturing me and preaching at me. I still grate at the "wait on the Lord" speech from those who got married when they were 22. I was angry at God and started to revert to old behaviors that I thought were gone (cursing, watching ungodly shows, etc.) I did these things secretly, but they would seep out once in a while. I didn't want to strive for holiness or righteousness anymore and had a "whatever" attitude towards God.
Then, a totally hot, but unsaved man who I was extremely attracted to started making advances. When he'd smile and his eyes would twinkle, my thoughts scrambled and I would just melt. When he flirted with me outwardly I remained businesslike, but inwardly I was so flattered and tempted and I think he knew it. I was playing with fire and felt myself moving closer and closer to compromise. This was not love. I knew that long term we were incompatible. I just plain-old wanted him and I knew if I gave him the signal that I could have him. In my heart I really wanted Mr. Right, but was ready settle for Mr. Right Now to satisfy my curiousity. I was tired of waiting and walking uprightly and felt like I was just wasting my time.
In the midst of all of this, I was in the church serving in 5 different ministries. No one really knew about my struggles. I felt like every time I came to church people just wanted to use me to do something for them. I rarely got a phone call unless someone wanted something. An extra pair of hands, teaching, singing, listening to others, praying for others, offering some service. I did these things and then some because I thought this is what Christians are supposed to do. But most of those people didn't really care about me as a person or about my calling from the Lord. They just wanted to get their things done. So, I started to stay away from church, only going when I had to. My love for God continued to colder and colder until I regretted that I had ever become a Christian. But it wasn't the church that made my love grow cold, it had been happening for a long time; it had been growing out of my erroneous notion that if I did x then God would do y. I felt like God just wanted me to work, work, work, while he withheld my hearts desire for love and fulfillment from me.
So ... what happened?
First, I did what you are doing now. I started asking people to pray for me. I didn't really want to, but I asked them to do it anyway because I knew it was the right thing to do. I didn't trust everyone with the details, just a few mature, godly women (I didn't feel it would be wisdom to tell a man) that I knew were discreet and that truly loved me. I confessed my thoughts and desires to them. They didn't judge or lecture me. They told me what was right; simply and with love. Then they prayed for me. I'm so grateful for that. Within a week, the hot guy stopped pursuing me, although my desire for him still remained. I was so disappointed, but I made myself keep distance from him and what was blossoming, died. In fact, our paths will no longer cross as I'm moving to a new assignment. When I said goodbye to him, God was able to give me the strength to maintain my composure and distance. Right before I left, another man, an unbeliever who had really given me a hard time about my faith, commended me on my walk and character. He encouraged me to not yield to temptation and to not compromise. He didn't know anything about my situation because I've never shared anything personal with him. So it was an encouragement from the Lord. It humbled me to think of what could have happened had it not been for the prayers of those mature saints.
Next, I cut back on the busy church stuff and started focusing more on the Lord. I started doing things like taking time to appreciate the beauty of creation, and talking to the Lord in little short prayers (thank you Lord for this beautiful day). I started physically resting and putting balance in my life. I am in the process of seeking God to see which ministries he truly wants me to serve in. I started intentionally enjoying life. And I focused on reconnecting with God. I prayed that the Lord would reignite the fire for him.
I then had to deal with the issues that drew me away. Unforgiveness towards God and lust. Although I knew I was sinning inwardly, I couldn't see exactly why premarital sex, why lust was wrong. So I prayed and asked God to show me why, in practical terms. Besides it being wrong simply because God said so, He started teaching me about the consequences beyond pregnancy and STDs and about his protection and love. There is no condom for your heart, for your spirit, for your emotions. The "protection" is within the marriage relationship, one that is brought together by God. I saw that God was not withholding from me and that marriage, like singleness, is a gift not a prize for obedience. You do not earn a gift, it is simply something that is given by the giver and then at the time of his choosing. God's commandments -- to not fornicate, to forgive, etc. are there because he loves us.
I also started visiting other churches periodically and heard messages on the grace and goodness of God. I started focusing on enjoying God. At the same time, I made myself listen to the words of rebuke, even when I didn't want to. Even though no emotions were behind my words, I repented. I asked God to give me a sincere heart, a clean heart. I asked him to bring the love emotions back again.
Little by little, he started bringing revival to my heart. Today, I am focusing relationship with God. To be honest, although I attend church regularly, I really don't want to attend my church. I'm there strictly out of obedience. But the relationship with God is now different. I don't think that we can ever really go back to the first feelings with the Lord. Like marriage, I think that over time, with deeper experience, the "feelings" are a bit deeper, a bit sweeter, a bit more profound because we learn that love is not really based on feelings, if that makes sense, but on the Lord himself.
I've shared quite a bit, I do hope that some of it is relevant to you or to others; and was helpful in some way.
Take care and God bless, "
Losing hope? Read this post...
Recently, I posted in a Christian Forums and shared about my struggles. My disappointments, my hurts, my dilemmas, etc. Then, there was this helpful lady who replied and shared her struggles. I don't have to say much.
HER POST:
This distance feeling sometimes comes after a spiritual high. Sometimes it seems like God hides himself. I can't biblically prove it off of the top of my head, but I know that God woos us and I think his "hiding" of himself is a time when we "woo" God; like lovers do (Song of Solomon) as God is the lover of our souls. Sometimes we neglect the relationship and that creates distance. But, sometimes this rotting feeling comes from having sin in our lives.
I recently came through a period just like what you explained. I'll share my story in hopes that it will be helpful to you or to someone else reading this. I felt the distance from God too, like I didn't want to serve anymore, like everything in church was such a drag. I didn't want to hear rebuke. I was just going through the motions and felt like my insides were rotting out. I asked for help, but strangely, no one seemed to hear me.
For me, my fustrations over my unfulfilled desires for marriage, intimacy, companionship, were drawing me away. There was unforgiveness too against God. I felt that God wasn't being fair to me, wasn't rewarding me for being faithful. I did everything that singles are told to do, work on being whole, run hard after God, etc. Yet people who didn't do any of this were getting married all around me. So, I felt cheated, resentful and lied to. Very few people really knew the depth of my disappointment with God, and those that did kind of brushed it under the rug because on the outside I looked to be successful and godly and I looked like I had it all together. Plus I think, it made them uncomfortable.
Mind you, in the midst of this struggle, I was hearing from the Lord, serving, helping people. Yet, I didn't want to hear anyone lecturing me and preaching at me. I still grate at the "wait on the Lord" speech from those who got married when they were 22. I was angry at God and started to revert to old behaviors that I thought were gone (cursing, watching ungodly shows, etc.) I did these things secretly, but they would seep out once in a while. I didn't want to strive for holiness or righteousness anymore and had a "whatever" attitude towards God.
Then, a totally hot, but unsaved man who I was extremely attracted to started making advances. When he'd smile and his eyes would twinkle, my thoughts scrambled and I would just melt. When he flirted with me outwardly I remained businesslike, but inwardly I was so flattered and tempted and I think he knew it. I was playing with fire and felt myself moving closer and closer to compromise. This was not love. I knew that long term we were incompatible. I just plain-old wanted him and I knew if I gave him the signal that I could have him. In my heart I really wanted Mr. Right, but was ready settle for Mr. Right Now to satisfy my curiousity. I was tired of waiting and walking uprightly and felt like I was just wasting my time.
In the midst of all of this, I was in the church serving in 5 different ministries. No one really knew about my struggles. I felt like every time I came to church people just wanted to use me to do something for them. I rarely got a phone call unless someone wanted something. An extra pair of hands, teaching, singing, listening to others, praying for others, offering some service. I did these things and then some because I thought this is what Christians are supposed to do. But most of those people didn't really care about me as a person or about my calling from the Lord. They just wanted to get their things done. So, I started to stay away from church, only going when I had to. My love for God continued to colder and colder until I regretted that I had ever become a Christian. But it wasn't the church that made my love grow cold, it had been happening for a long time; it had been growing out of my erroneous notion that if I did x then God would do y. I felt like God just wanted me to work, work, work, while he withheld my hearts desire for love and fulfillment from me.
So ... what happened?
First, I did what you are doing now. I started asking people to pray for me. I didn't really want to, but I asked them to do it anyway because I knew it was the right thing to do. I didn't trust everyone with the details, just a few mature, godly women (I didn't feel it would be wisdom to tell a man) that I knew were discreet and that truly loved me. I confessed my thoughts and desires to them. They didn't judge or lecture me. They told me what was right; simply and with love. Then they prayed for me. I'm so grateful for that. Within a week, the hot guy stopped pursuing me, although my desire for him still remained. I was so disappointed, but I made myself keep distance from him and what was blossoming, died. In fact, our paths will no longer cross as I'm moving to a new assignment. When I said goodbye to him, God was able to give me the strength to maintain my composure and distance. Right before I left, another man, an unbeliever who had really given me a hard time about my faith, commended me on my walk and character. He encouraged me to not yield to temptation and to not compromise. He didn't know anything about my situation because I've never shared anything personal with him. So it was an encouragement from the Lord. It humbled me to think of what could have happened had it not been for the prayers of those mature saints.
Next, I cut back on the busy church stuff and started focusing more on the Lord. I started doing things like taking time to appreciate the beauty of creation, and talking to the Lord in little short prayers (thank you Lord for this beautiful day). I started physically resting and putting balance in my life. I am in the process of seeking God to see which ministries he truly wants me to serve in. I started intentionally enjoying life. And I focused on reconnecting with God. I prayed that the Lord would reignite the fire for him.
I then had to deal with the issues that drew me away. Unforgiveness towards God and lust. Although I knew I was sinning inwardly, I couldn't see exactly why premarital sex, why lust was wrong. So I prayed and asked God to show me why, in practical terms. Besides it being wrong simply because God said so, He started teaching me about the consequences beyond pregnancy and STDs and about his protection and love. There is no condom for your heart, for your spirit, for your emotions. The "protection" is within the marriage relationship, one that is brought together by God. I saw that God was not withholding from me and that marriage, like singleness, is a gift not a prize for obedience. You do not earn a gift, it is simply something that is given by the giver and then at the time of his choosing. God's commandments -- to not fornicate, to forgive, etc. are there because he loves us.
I also started visiting other churches periodically and heard messages on the grace and goodness of God. I started focusing on enjoying God. At the same time, I made myself listen to the words of rebuke, even when I didn't want to. Even though no emotions were behind my words, I repented. I asked God to give me a sincere heart, a clean heart. I asked him to bring the love emotions back again.
Little by little, he started bringing revival to my heart. Today, I am focusing relationship with God. To be honest, although I attend church regularly, I really don't want to attend my church. I'm there strictly out of obedience. But the relationship with God is now different. I don't think that we can ever really go back to the first feelings with the Lord. Like marriage, I think that over time, with deeper experience, the "feelings" are a bit deeper, a bit sweeter, a bit more profound because we learn that love is not really based on feelings, if that makes sense, but on the Lord himself.
I've shared quite a bit, I do hope that some of it is relevant to you or to others; and was helpful in some way.
Take care and God bless, "
HER POST:
This distance feeling sometimes comes after a spiritual high. Sometimes it seems like God hides himself. I can't biblically prove it off of the top of my head, but I know that God woos us and I think his "hiding" of himself is a time when we "woo" God; like lovers do (Song of Solomon) as God is the lover of our souls. Sometimes we neglect the relationship and that creates distance. But, sometimes this rotting feeling comes from having sin in our lives.
I recently came through a period just like what you explained. I'll share my story in hopes that it will be helpful to you or to someone else reading this. I felt the distance from God too, like I didn't want to serve anymore, like everything in church was such a drag. I didn't want to hear rebuke. I was just going through the motions and felt like my insides were rotting out. I asked for help, but strangely, no one seemed to hear me.
For me, my fustrations over my unfulfilled desires for marriage, intimacy, companionship, were drawing me away. There was unforgiveness too against God. I felt that God wasn't being fair to me, wasn't rewarding me for being faithful. I did everything that singles are told to do, work on being whole, run hard after God, etc. Yet people who didn't do any of this were getting married all around me. So, I felt cheated, resentful and lied to. Very few people really knew the depth of my disappointment with God, and those that did kind of brushed it under the rug because on the outside I looked to be successful and godly and I looked like I had it all together. Plus I think, it made them uncomfortable.
Mind you, in the midst of this struggle, I was hearing from the Lord, serving, helping people. Yet, I didn't want to hear anyone lecturing me and preaching at me. I still grate at the "wait on the Lord" speech from those who got married when they were 22. I was angry at God and started to revert to old behaviors that I thought were gone (cursing, watching ungodly shows, etc.) I did these things secretly, but they would seep out once in a while. I didn't want to strive for holiness or righteousness anymore and had a "whatever" attitude towards God.
Then, a totally hot, but unsaved man who I was extremely attracted to started making advances. When he'd smile and his eyes would twinkle, my thoughts scrambled and I would just melt. When he flirted with me outwardly I remained businesslike, but inwardly I was so flattered and tempted and I think he knew it. I was playing with fire and felt myself moving closer and closer to compromise. This was not love. I knew that long term we were incompatible. I just plain-old wanted him and I knew if I gave him the signal that I could have him. In my heart I really wanted Mr. Right, but was ready settle for Mr. Right Now to satisfy my curiousity. I was tired of waiting and walking uprightly and felt like I was just wasting my time.
In the midst of all of this, I was in the church serving in 5 different ministries. No one really knew about my struggles. I felt like every time I came to church people just wanted to use me to do something for them. I rarely got a phone call unless someone wanted something. An extra pair of hands, teaching, singing, listening to others, praying for others, offering some service. I did these things and then some because I thought this is what Christians are supposed to do. But most of those people didn't really care about me as a person or about my calling from the Lord. They just wanted to get their things done. So, I started to stay away from church, only going when I had to. My love for God continued to colder and colder until I regretted that I had ever become a Christian. But it wasn't the church that made my love grow cold, it had been happening for a long time; it had been growing out of my erroneous notion that if I did x then God would do y. I felt like God just wanted me to work, work, work, while he withheld my hearts desire for love and fulfillment from me.
So ... what happened?
First, I did what you are doing now. I started asking people to pray for me. I didn't really want to, but I asked them to do it anyway because I knew it was the right thing to do. I didn't trust everyone with the details, just a few mature, godly women (I didn't feel it would be wisdom to tell a man) that I knew were discreet and that truly loved me. I confessed my thoughts and desires to them. They didn't judge or lecture me. They told me what was right; simply and with love. Then they prayed for me. I'm so grateful for that. Within a week, the hot guy stopped pursuing me, although my desire for him still remained. I was so disappointed, but I made myself keep distance from him and what was blossoming, died. In fact, our paths will no longer cross as I'm moving to a new assignment. When I said goodbye to him, God was able to give me the strength to maintain my composure and distance. Right before I left, another man, an unbeliever who had really given me a hard time about my faith, commended me on my walk and character. He encouraged me to not yield to temptation and to not compromise. He didn't know anything about my situation because I've never shared anything personal with him. So it was an encouragement from the Lord. It humbled me to think of what could have happened had it not been for the prayers of those mature saints.
Next, I cut back on the busy church stuff and started focusing more on the Lord. I started doing things like taking time to appreciate the beauty of creation, and talking to the Lord in little short prayers (thank you Lord for this beautiful day). I started physically resting and putting balance in my life. I am in the process of seeking God to see which ministries he truly wants me to serve in. I started intentionally enjoying life. And I focused on reconnecting with God. I prayed that the Lord would reignite the fire for him.
I then had to deal with the issues that drew me away. Unforgiveness towards God and lust. Although I knew I was sinning inwardly, I couldn't see exactly why premarital sex, why lust was wrong. So I prayed and asked God to show me why, in practical terms. Besides it being wrong simply because God said so, He started teaching me about the consequences beyond pregnancy and STDs and about his protection and love. There is no condom for your heart, for your spirit, for your emotions. The "protection" is within the marriage relationship, one that is brought together by God. I saw that God was not withholding from me and that marriage, like singleness, is a gift not a prize for obedience. You do not earn a gift, it is simply something that is given by the giver and then at the time of his choosing. God's commandments -- to not fornicate, to forgive, etc. are there because he loves us.
I also started visiting other churches periodically and heard messages on the grace and goodness of God. I started focusing on enjoying God. At the same time, I made myself listen to the words of rebuke, even when I didn't want to. Even though no emotions were behind my words, I repented. I asked God to give me a sincere heart, a clean heart. I asked him to bring the love emotions back again.
Little by little, he started bringing revival to my heart. Today, I am focusing relationship with God. To be honest, although I attend church regularly, I really don't want to attend my church. I'm there strictly out of obedience. But the relationship with God is now different. I don't think that we can ever really go back to the first feelings with the Lord. Like marriage, I think that over time, with deeper experience, the "feelings" are a bit deeper, a bit sweeter, a bit more profound because we learn that love is not really based on feelings, if that makes sense, but on the Lord himself.
I've shared quite a bit, I do hope that some of it is relevant to you or to others; and was helpful in some way.
Take care and God bless, "
Wednesday, September 07, 2005
When I say... " I am a Christian"
When I say... " I am a Christian"
I'm not shouting "I'm clean livin'"
I'm whispering "I was lost,
Now I'm found and forgiven."
When I say... "I am a Christian"
I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble
and need Christ to be my guide.
When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak
and need His strength to carry on.
When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed
and need God to clean my mess.
When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not claiming to be perfect,
My flaws are far too visible
but, God believes I am worth it.
When I say... "I am a Christian"
I still feel the sting of pain.
I have my share of heartaches
So I call upon His name.
When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not holier than thou,
I'm just a simple sinner
Who received God's good grace, somehow!
I'm not shouting "I'm clean livin'"
I'm whispering "I was lost,
Now I'm found and forgiven."
When I say... "I am a Christian"
I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble
and need Christ to be my guide.
When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak
and need His strength to carry on.
When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed
and need God to clean my mess.
When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not claiming to be perfect,
My flaws are far too visible
but, God believes I am worth it.
When I say... "I am a Christian"
I still feel the sting of pain.
I have my share of heartaches
So I call upon His name.
When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not holier than thou,
I'm just a simple sinner
Who received God's good grace, somehow!
When I say... " I am a Christian"
When I say... " I am a Christian"
I'm not shouting "I'm clean livin'"
I'm whispering "I was lost,
Now I'm found and forgiven."
When I say... "I am a Christian"
I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble
and need Christ to be my guide.
When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak
and need His strength to carry on.
When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed
and need God to clean my mess.
When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not claiming to be perfect,
My flaws are far too visible
but, God believes I am worth it.
When I say... "I am a Christian"
I still feel the sting of pain.
I have my share of heartaches
So I call upon His name.
When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not holier than thou,
I'm just a simple sinner
Who received God's good grace, somehow!
I'm not shouting "I'm clean livin'"
I'm whispering "I was lost,
Now I'm found and forgiven."
When I say... "I am a Christian"
I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble
and need Christ to be my guide.
When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak
and need His strength to carry on.
When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed
and need God to clean my mess.
When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not claiming to be perfect,
My flaws are far too visible
but, God believes I am worth it.
When I say... "I am a Christian"
I still feel the sting of pain.
I have my share of heartaches
So I call upon His name.
When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not holier than thou,
I'm just a simple sinner
Who received God's good grace, somehow!
Tuesday, August 23, 2005
Life's a journey, never a cruise...
Like what the title suggests, life is definitely not a cruise. Many a times, I have always wanted things to be smooth sailing or simply put, "If I do this and that, I must be able to get this outcome." However, I do realise that having this kind of mentality can really be damaging to the heart and soul! Knowning that I have gone through the standard and necessary steps, which need to be taken, but ultimately, the kind of ending or results are not what I have expected it to be. Like what Sy Rogers had said, we like to be in control... to know that we are secure.
Like a child, I am grabbing on to my mum, not wanting to let her go, having fear of the things that might happen if I were to lose her. For me, now that I am almost 24 years old, I am no longer holding to my mum, neither my dad nor my siblings. Instead, what I am holding on right now is my comfort, my time, my career and most of all, my current happiness! Due to the fact that life is short and sometimes hard, I cannot see what is more important than having happiness; to enjoy the time you have, the company you are in, the career you are having now and to come home to a happier family. The fact that this is a "broken down" world makes life all the more scary. Nothing you do, even if it is right, may end up with the result you want. Life is unpredictable.
A friend once told me that all he wants in life is happiness. If everything is smooth sailing and if everything works according to his plans, he will be contented. After going through almost a quarter of a century, I know that if happiness is as described by him, I will be a bitter and unhappy man. Why? Becuase most of the time, things don't really work out the way I would like them to be. To make matter worse, nothing is smooth sailing.
Having said so much, I began to ask myself what I really want in life. I want happiness. Happiness is a very general thing, which everyone wants. Then I asked myself, "What kind of happiness do you want then?" I pondered and began to search through the history of my life, the times when I was really happy and free. I realised that happiness is not that all complicated. Happiness is the simple act to appreciating everything that is around you. I knew it all along that I am happy whenever I am in His presence. This is ONE and ONLY thing I am not willing to lose. Next, family is the next thing I know I need... This is another thing that I have to accept. However, apart from these two, I was ready to let everything go! However, despite its commitments, I know that I have a group of people whom I do really cherish and love in church. Then I began to ask myself another question, "Do you think that you will be able to learn so much about God if you were to leave this church?" This question really made me think. I know that it is not in the worship, praise or even the jumping style City Harvest Church adopts. Rather, it is the presence that really draws me. The thick and tangible presence of God in this church created doors for me. I have a decision to open or to let the door be closed. It is not like it is an open door, where I do not even have to make a decision.
This is not a hard decision that I have to make. At the same time, it is not an easy decision for me to make. However, it is there and then that I realised that this is what happiness is all about. Forsaking all, I trust in Him. I can be happy if I don't feel so insecure about my life, how people look at me, how much control and certainty I want in my life. I really like what Sy Rogers preached last friday. We cannot know how the ocean is like but we can certainly know a few facts about it. It is salty and wet. Similarly, I can't really grasp what God is trying to do in my life; why He is letting me go through all these; why did He make me the way I am... but I do know that He is love and He is good. He will take responsibilities. I do not want to be a self-made Superman who will always undertake any given responsibilities. Rather, I want to be like Spiderman in Spiderman 2, doing all that he can within his means.
Love, this is a powerful word. I guess we are all created to love. We love our lives, our career, our boyfriends, our girlfriends, our spouse... etc. Ultimately, I believe that we are all searching for this one true love. Alot of times, when I read the following verse, I will think of why do I need to do all these... How can I be so perfect...
1 Cor 13:4-8
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
5 It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8 Love never fails.
(from New International Version)
How can I be what the verses want me to be? There will always be this human side of me. Everytime when I look at it, it stirs me up and at the same time, it discouraged me... talk about the Word being a double-edged sword. However, during cellgroup last week, my first in a month plus of absence, God told me that He wanted me to see it in another perspective... He wanted me know that He was not asking me to be all those but He wants me know that He is all those! He reminded me of the following verse:
1 John 4:16
16 God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him.
(from New International Version)
Therefore, I began to put God in the following verse... and faith began to arise within me.
1 Cor 13:4-8 (What God wants me to see)
4 God is patient, God is kind. God does not envy, God does not boast, God is not proud.
5 God is not rude, God is not self-seeking, God is not easily angered, God keeps no record of wrongs.
6 God does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
7 God always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8 God never fails.
(from New International Version)
Like a child, I am grabbing on to my mum, not wanting to let her go, having fear of the things that might happen if I were to lose her. For me, now that I am almost 24 years old, I am no longer holding to my mum, neither my dad nor my siblings. Instead, what I am holding on right now is my comfort, my time, my career and most of all, my current happiness! Due to the fact that life is short and sometimes hard, I cannot see what is more important than having happiness; to enjoy the time you have, the company you are in, the career you are having now and to come home to a happier family. The fact that this is a "broken down" world makes life all the more scary. Nothing you do, even if it is right, may end up with the result you want. Life is unpredictable.
A friend once told me that all he wants in life is happiness. If everything is smooth sailing and if everything works according to his plans, he will be contented. After going through almost a quarter of a century, I know that if happiness is as described by him, I will be a bitter and unhappy man. Why? Becuase most of the time, things don't really work out the way I would like them to be. To make matter worse, nothing is smooth sailing.
Having said so much, I began to ask myself what I really want in life. I want happiness. Happiness is a very general thing, which everyone wants. Then I asked myself, "What kind of happiness do you want then?" I pondered and began to search through the history of my life, the times when I was really happy and free. I realised that happiness is not that all complicated. Happiness is the simple act to appreciating everything that is around you. I knew it all along that I am happy whenever I am in His presence. This is ONE and ONLY thing I am not willing to lose. Next, family is the next thing I know I need... This is another thing that I have to accept. However, apart from these two, I was ready to let everything go! However, despite its commitments, I know that I have a group of people whom I do really cherish and love in church. Then I began to ask myself another question, "Do you think that you will be able to learn so much about God if you were to leave this church?" This question really made me think. I know that it is not in the worship, praise or even the jumping style City Harvest Church adopts. Rather, it is the presence that really draws me. The thick and tangible presence of God in this church created doors for me. I have a decision to open or to let the door be closed. It is not like it is an open door, where I do not even have to make a decision.
This is not a hard decision that I have to make. At the same time, it is not an easy decision for me to make. However, it is there and then that I realised that this is what happiness is all about. Forsaking all, I trust in Him. I can be happy if I don't feel so insecure about my life, how people look at me, how much control and certainty I want in my life. I really like what Sy Rogers preached last friday. We cannot know how the ocean is like but we can certainly know a few facts about it. It is salty and wet. Similarly, I can't really grasp what God is trying to do in my life; why He is letting me go through all these; why did He make me the way I am... but I do know that He is love and He is good. He will take responsibilities. I do not want to be a self-made Superman who will always undertake any given responsibilities. Rather, I want to be like Spiderman in Spiderman 2, doing all that he can within his means.
Love, this is a powerful word. I guess we are all created to love. We love our lives, our career, our boyfriends, our girlfriends, our spouse... etc. Ultimately, I believe that we are all searching for this one true love. Alot of times, when I read the following verse, I will think of why do I need to do all these... How can I be so perfect...
1 Cor 13:4-8
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
5 It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8 Love never fails.
(from New International Version)
How can I be what the verses want me to be? There will always be this human side of me. Everytime when I look at it, it stirs me up and at the same time, it discouraged me... talk about the Word being a double-edged sword. However, during cellgroup last week, my first in a month plus of absence, God told me that He wanted me to see it in another perspective... He wanted me know that He was not asking me to be all those but He wants me know that He is all those! He reminded me of the following verse:
1 John 4:16
16 God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him.
(from New International Version)
Therefore, I began to put God in the following verse... and faith began to arise within me.
1 Cor 13:4-8 (What God wants me to see)
4 God is patient, God is kind. God does not envy, God does not boast, God is not proud.
5 God is not rude, God is not self-seeking, God is not easily angered, God keeps no record of wrongs.
6 God does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
7 God always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8 God never fails.
(from New International Version)
Life's a journey, never a cruise...
Like what the title suggests, life is definitely not a cruise. Many a times, I have always wanted things to be smooth sailing or simply put, "If I do this and that, I must be able to get this outcome." However, I do realise that having this kind of mentality can really be damaging to the heart and soul! Knowning that I have gone through the standard and necessary steps, which need to be taken, but ultimately, the kind of ending or results are not what I have expected it to be. Like what Sy Rogers had said, we like to be in control... to know that we are secure.
Like a child, I am grabbing on to my mum, not wanting to let her go, having fear of the things that might happen if I were to lose her. For me, now that I am almost 24 years old, I am no longer holding to my mum, neither my dad nor my siblings. Instead, what I am holding on right now is my comfort, my time, my career and most of all, my current happiness! Due to the fact that life is short and sometimes hard, I cannot see what is more important than having happiness; to enjoy the time you have, the company you are in, the career you are having now and to come home to a happier family. The fact that this is a "broken down" world makes life all the more scary. Nothing you do, even if it is right, may end up with the result you want. Life is unpredictable.
A friend once told me that all he wants in life is happiness. If everything is smooth sailing and if everything works according to his plans, he will be contented. After going through almost a quarter of a century, I know that if happiness is as described by him, I will be a bitter and unhappy man. Why? Becuase most of the time, things don't really work out the way I would like them to be. To make matter worse, nothing is smooth sailing.
Having said so much, I began to ask myself what I really want in life. I want happiness. Happiness is a very general thing, which everyone wants. Then I asked myself, "What kind of happiness do you want then?" I pondered and began to search through the history of my life, the times when I was really happy and free. I realised that happiness is not that all complicated. Happiness is the simple act to appreciating everything that is around you. I knew it all along that I am happy whenever I am in His presence. This is ONE and ONLY thing I am not willing to lose. Next, family is the next thing I know I need... This is another thing that I have to accept. However, apart from these two, I was ready to let everything go! However, despite its commitments, I know that I have a group of people whom I do really cherish and love in church. Then I began to ask myself another question, "Do you think that you will be able to learn so much about God if you were to leave this church?" This question really made me think. I know that it is not in the worship, praise or even the jumping style City Harvest Church adopts. Rather, it is the presence that really draws me. The thick and tangible presence of God in this church created doors for me. I have a decision to open or to let the door be closed. It is not like it is an open door, where I do not even have to make a decision.
This is not a hard decision that I have to make. At the same time, it is not an easy decision for me to make. However, it is there and then that I realised that this is what happiness is all about. Forsaking all, I trust in Him. I can be happy if I don't feel so insecure about my life, how people look at me, how much control and certainty I want in my life. I really like what Sy Rogers preached last friday. We cannot know how the ocean is like but we can certainly know a few facts about it. It is salty and wet. Similarly, I can't really grasp what God is trying to do in my life; why He is letting me go through all these; why did He make me the way I am... but I do know that He is love and He is good. He will take responsibilities. I do not want to be a self-made Superman who will always undertake any given responsibilities. Rather, I want to be like Spiderman in Spiderman 2, doing all that he can within his means.
Love, this is a powerful word. I guess we are all created to love. We love our lives, our career, our boyfriends, our girlfriends, our spouse... etc. Ultimately, I believe that we are all searching for this one true love. Alot of times, when I read the following verse, I will think of why do I need to do all these... How can I be so perfect...
1 Cor 13:4-8
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
5 It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8 Love never fails.
(from New International Version)
How can I be what the verses want me to be? There will always be this human side of me. Everytime when I look at it, it stirs me up and at the same time, it discouraged me... talk about the Word being a double-edged sword. However, during cellgroup last week, my first in a month plus of absence, God told me that He wanted me to see it in another perspective... He wanted me know that He was not asking me to be all those but He wants me know that He is all those! He reminded me of the following verse:
1 John 4:16
16 God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him.
(from New International Version)
Therefore, I began to put God in the following verse... and faith began to arise within me.
1 Cor 13:4-8 (What God wants me to see)
4 God is patient, God is kind. God does not envy, God does not boast, God is not proud.
5 God is not rude, God is not self-seeking, God is not easily angered, God keeps no record of wrongs.
6 God does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
7 God always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8 God never fails.
(from New International Version)
Like a child, I am grabbing on to my mum, not wanting to let her go, having fear of the things that might happen if I were to lose her. For me, now that I am almost 24 years old, I am no longer holding to my mum, neither my dad nor my siblings. Instead, what I am holding on right now is my comfort, my time, my career and most of all, my current happiness! Due to the fact that life is short and sometimes hard, I cannot see what is more important than having happiness; to enjoy the time you have, the company you are in, the career you are having now and to come home to a happier family. The fact that this is a "broken down" world makes life all the more scary. Nothing you do, even if it is right, may end up with the result you want. Life is unpredictable.
A friend once told me that all he wants in life is happiness. If everything is smooth sailing and if everything works according to his plans, he will be contented. After going through almost a quarter of a century, I know that if happiness is as described by him, I will be a bitter and unhappy man. Why? Becuase most of the time, things don't really work out the way I would like them to be. To make matter worse, nothing is smooth sailing.
Having said so much, I began to ask myself what I really want in life. I want happiness. Happiness is a very general thing, which everyone wants. Then I asked myself, "What kind of happiness do you want then?" I pondered and began to search through the history of my life, the times when I was really happy and free. I realised that happiness is not that all complicated. Happiness is the simple act to appreciating everything that is around you. I knew it all along that I am happy whenever I am in His presence. This is ONE and ONLY thing I am not willing to lose. Next, family is the next thing I know I need... This is another thing that I have to accept. However, apart from these two, I was ready to let everything go! However, despite its commitments, I know that I have a group of people whom I do really cherish and love in church. Then I began to ask myself another question, "Do you think that you will be able to learn so much about God if you were to leave this church?" This question really made me think. I know that it is not in the worship, praise or even the jumping style City Harvest Church adopts. Rather, it is the presence that really draws me. The thick and tangible presence of God in this church created doors for me. I have a decision to open or to let the door be closed. It is not like it is an open door, where I do not even have to make a decision.
This is not a hard decision that I have to make. At the same time, it is not an easy decision for me to make. However, it is there and then that I realised that this is what happiness is all about. Forsaking all, I trust in Him. I can be happy if I don't feel so insecure about my life, how people look at me, how much control and certainty I want in my life. I really like what Sy Rogers preached last friday. We cannot know how the ocean is like but we can certainly know a few facts about it. It is salty and wet. Similarly, I can't really grasp what God is trying to do in my life; why He is letting me go through all these; why did He make me the way I am... but I do know that He is love and He is good. He will take responsibilities. I do not want to be a self-made Superman who will always undertake any given responsibilities. Rather, I want to be like Spiderman in Spiderman 2, doing all that he can within his means.
Love, this is a powerful word. I guess we are all created to love. We love our lives, our career, our boyfriends, our girlfriends, our spouse... etc. Ultimately, I believe that we are all searching for this one true love. Alot of times, when I read the following verse, I will think of why do I need to do all these... How can I be so perfect...
1 Cor 13:4-8
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
5 It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8 Love never fails.
(from New International Version)
How can I be what the verses want me to be? There will always be this human side of me. Everytime when I look at it, it stirs me up and at the same time, it discouraged me... talk about the Word being a double-edged sword. However, during cellgroup last week, my first in a month plus of absence, God told me that He wanted me to see it in another perspective... He wanted me know that He was not asking me to be all those but He wants me know that He is all those! He reminded me of the following verse:
1 John 4:16
16 God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him.
(from New International Version)
Therefore, I began to put God in the following verse... and faith began to arise within me.
1 Cor 13:4-8 (What God wants me to see)
4 God is patient, God is kind. God does not envy, God does not boast, God is not proud.
5 God is not rude, God is not self-seeking, God is not easily angered, God keeps no record of wrongs.
6 God does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
7 God always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8 God never fails.
(from New International Version)
Saturday, August 13, 2005
F.A.I.T.H... Not as easy as it seems!
"Forsaking All, I trust in Him," the phrase, which I have used for this blog as its title, is not an easy one to behold. Apparently, in short, this phrase makes out to be FAITH! Faith... as simple as it may seem, is something, which I find it hard to grab on to.
Forsaking all, being selfless... putting others before self, letting go of all the past experiences, letting God be my Deliverer... etc. These are the basics of Christianity... the foundation of our spiritual journey with God. Wrong? Yeah... so I guess I am going through my foundations, looking for the cracks, little holes where my faith seems to be seeping out from...
Took a plunge, a step of faith yesterday. During service, I was making decisions during the whole worship session. Should I get myself back into CG, etc. Do I really have the strength or faith to go through with the decision if I were to choose to get myself committed once again. Thoughts flew in and out. Encouraging and inspiring thought rushed into me. I was full of hope and the future started to brighten up. I made the decision. I decided to talk to my CGL and asked him if I can visit thursday CG, so that my weekends will be more freed up, etc.
However, after everything was said and settled, even committing myself to visit my choir IC's CG, fear started to rush in. Faith began to crumble. Everything seem to be impossible once again. I was so scared. I was really unsure if I can actually go through with the decision that I have made. However, after reading a chapter of Rick Warren's A Purpose Driven Life book, which I have been doing lately, I decided to give this a shot, not to trust in my emotions, fears, etc but to really go through with it, trusting that God will pull me through. I really do not know how it will end up. But one thing for sure, it will be a ride... Having gotten out of the ride once, I am getting back into it again... I do really wish that as I put forward feet, God will help me drag the other leg and direct my paths.
Anyway, I will be visting another church, which my grandpa is attending with my siblings this weekend. I am glad that my siblings are willing to go to church. I do really hope that this weekend will be a blast into our brighter future. As of now, as I am still warring with my mind, having second thoughts about the decisions that I have made, I can only hope and pray. I know that if I make a move, a decision, He will certainly aid me in ways I never thought He would.
2 Tim 1:7
"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind."
Forsaking all, being selfless... putting others before self, letting go of all the past experiences, letting God be my Deliverer... etc. These are the basics of Christianity... the foundation of our spiritual journey with God. Wrong? Yeah... so I guess I am going through my foundations, looking for the cracks, little holes where my faith seems to be seeping out from...
Took a plunge, a step of faith yesterday. During service, I was making decisions during the whole worship session. Should I get myself back into CG, etc. Do I really have the strength or faith to go through with the decision if I were to choose to get myself committed once again. Thoughts flew in and out. Encouraging and inspiring thought rushed into me. I was full of hope and the future started to brighten up. I made the decision. I decided to talk to my CGL and asked him if I can visit thursday CG, so that my weekends will be more freed up, etc.
However, after everything was said and settled, even committing myself to visit my choir IC's CG, fear started to rush in. Faith began to crumble. Everything seem to be impossible once again. I was so scared. I was really unsure if I can actually go through with the decision that I have made. However, after reading a chapter of Rick Warren's A Purpose Driven Life book, which I have been doing lately, I decided to give this a shot, not to trust in my emotions, fears, etc but to really go through with it, trusting that God will pull me through. I really do not know how it will end up. But one thing for sure, it will be a ride... Having gotten out of the ride once, I am getting back into it again... I do really wish that as I put forward feet, God will help me drag the other leg and direct my paths.
Anyway, I will be visting another church, which my grandpa is attending with my siblings this weekend. I am glad that my siblings are willing to go to church. I do really hope that this weekend will be a blast into our brighter future. As of now, as I am still warring with my mind, having second thoughts about the decisions that I have made, I can only hope and pray. I know that if I make a move, a decision, He will certainly aid me in ways I never thought He would.
2 Tim 1:7
"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind."
F.A.I.T.H... Not as easy as it seems!
"Forsaking All, I trust in Him," the phrase, which I have used for this blog as its title, is not an easy one to behold. Apparently, in short, this phrase makes out to be FAITH! Faith... as simple as it may seem, is something, which I find it hard to grab on to.
Forsaking all, being selfless... putting others before self, letting go of all the past experiences, letting God be my Deliverer... etc. These are the basics of Christianity... the foundation of our spiritual journey with God. Wrong? Yeah... so I guess I am going through my foundations, looking for the cracks, little holes where my faith seems to be seeping out from...
Took a plunge, a step of faith yesterday. During service, I was making decisions during the whole worship session. Should I get myself back into CG, etc. Do I really have the strength or faith to go through with the decision if I were to choose to get myself committed once again. Thoughts flew in and out. Encouraging and inspiring thought rushed into me. I was full of hope and the future started to brighten up. I made the decision. I decided to talk to my CGL and asked him if I can visit thursday CG, so that my weekends will be more freed up, etc.
However, after everything was said and settled, even committing myself to visit my choir IC's CG, fear started to rush in. Faith began to crumble. Everything seem to be impossible once again. I was so scared. I was really unsure if I can actually go through with the decision that I have made. However, after reading a chapter of Rick Warren's A Purpose Driven Life book, which I have been doing lately, I decided to give this a shot, not to trust in my emotions, fears, etc but to really go through with it, trusting that God will pull me through. I really do not know how it will end up. But one thing for sure, it will be a ride... Having gotten out of the ride once, I am getting back into it again... I do really wish that as I put forward feet, God will help me drag the other leg and direct my paths.
Anyway, I will be visting another church, which my grandpa is attending with my siblings this weekend. I am glad that my siblings are willing to go to church. I do really hope that this weekend will be a blast into our brighter future. As of now, as I am still warring with my mind, having second thoughts about the decisions that I have made, I can only hope and pray. I know that if I make a move, a decision, He will certainly aid me in ways I never thought He would.
2 Tim 1:7
"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind."
Forsaking all, being selfless... putting others before self, letting go of all the past experiences, letting God be my Deliverer... etc. These are the basics of Christianity... the foundation of our spiritual journey with God. Wrong? Yeah... so I guess I am going through my foundations, looking for the cracks, little holes where my faith seems to be seeping out from...
Took a plunge, a step of faith yesterday. During service, I was making decisions during the whole worship session. Should I get myself back into CG, etc. Do I really have the strength or faith to go through with the decision if I were to choose to get myself committed once again. Thoughts flew in and out. Encouraging and inspiring thought rushed into me. I was full of hope and the future started to brighten up. I made the decision. I decided to talk to my CGL and asked him if I can visit thursday CG, so that my weekends will be more freed up, etc.
However, after everything was said and settled, even committing myself to visit my choir IC's CG, fear started to rush in. Faith began to crumble. Everything seem to be impossible once again. I was so scared. I was really unsure if I can actually go through with the decision that I have made. However, after reading a chapter of Rick Warren's A Purpose Driven Life book, which I have been doing lately, I decided to give this a shot, not to trust in my emotions, fears, etc but to really go through with it, trusting that God will pull me through. I really do not know how it will end up. But one thing for sure, it will be a ride... Having gotten out of the ride once, I am getting back into it again... I do really wish that as I put forward feet, God will help me drag the other leg and direct my paths.
Anyway, I will be visting another church, which my grandpa is attending with my siblings this weekend. I am glad that my siblings are willing to go to church. I do really hope that this weekend will be a blast into our brighter future. As of now, as I am still warring with my mind, having second thoughts about the decisions that I have made, I can only hope and pray. I know that if I make a move, a decision, He will certainly aid me in ways I never thought He would.
2 Tim 1:7
"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind."
Sunday, August 07, 2005
cuTey Toonz
The way you present a message actually does matter! Just look at these! Gentle, inspiring and they simply make you re-assess yourself!
cuTey Toonz
The way you present a message actually does matter! Just look at these! Gentle, inspiring and they simply make you re-assess yourself!
Saturday, July 30, 2005
What a BeAuTiFul Day! =)
The dark clouds are floating away, revealing a beautiful and majestic sun... that brings light into this small world of mine! I must really say how blessed I am to be able sit here, listening to Corrine May's songs... I am really just letting this beautiful moment gets into my soul, enjoying every seconds of it...
"I often feel like I'm two steps behind
Somebody must have moved that finish line
There are a thousand reasons
Why I should give up
But I'm stubborn in the things I believe"
Woke up early this morning, at around 9:30am just to pack my room and to vaccum the floor, basically, helping out in the household chores... which I have been trying to run away from for the past few years... haha... Not that I am loving it now, but it is just the joy of being able to be a blessing in this family of mine that made me want to love it. Slow steps was what Sister Sandy said. This is one of the slow steps, which I believe I am taking, not wanting to overwhelm myself with stress and stuffs. I did sweat alot during the course of vaccuming the whole house and that I really enjoyed! Haha... Had an hour of workout by vaccuming plus a happier mother at the end of this service that I had done! =) It certainly feels great to be able to take on small steps towards loving my family. As you can see, I am all smiles and I do love this wonderful day... I am certainly looking forward to every minutes of the remaining day.
I was surprised that I was able to wake up at 9:30am, considering I had a long chat with Sister Sandy all the way until the wee hours of the night.... reached home at around 1am... and after finishing my shower and stuff, it was already 1:30am. Oh... I did not sleep immediately though... entertained myself for another 45 mins before deciding that I needed to end the day!
The chat with Sister Sandy was ReFreshing! She really touched my spirit and heart... causing me to break down from the inside out. Really never wanted her to know about the state that I am in... for fear of disappointing her. It is like you never want to let your loved ones know that you are struggling even though you know that they will care. She was one of the few whom I really love and and cherish in church. Sister Sandy was very funny throughout the chat that we had! Haha... I could really feel that she was trying to be careful with the words that she was using, always seeking to let her love touch me instead of the message that she was trying to convey. One thing that she said, which really touched me was this, "Please do not think that I am here to challenge or to push you; the reason I am here is that I want to make a commitment with you, not wanting you to make silly decisions." My whole spirit just exploded when the love behind that word entered my being. She is simply great!!
When I first came to church, I never thought that I am going to have such a beautiful relationship with one of the KEY person in church. She was like so far away, like an idol whom you will be happy just to be in the same sanctuary as she is in, let alone the thought of having a friendship with her. We do have a leader to member relationship, yet on top of that, there is the trust in this relationship like those will have between two close friends. I cannot empasis how much I cherish this relationship. As I was sharing with her about this relationship that I have with her, it made me realise that God was once far-fetched, never thought that He will come down to my level, to know me personally... to commune and to embrace me, but I was wrong. =) Just like God, Sister Sandy showed me this kind of unconditional love. She loved me for who I am, no matter how imperfect I am, she is willing to love me just as much. God is indeed love and like what Pst Mike shared, your loving actions will flow out of the love that's within you. We had a great time. She opened herself up to me too, by sharing some of the more personal stuff about her with me. I have to say that am honored to have her shared so much with. She didn't have to but she chose to!
Burdens started to lift up, faith started to arise... At last, this grim task of wanting to be a blessing in the family started to surface from the blurry water that it was in previously. Throughout the course of the conversation, I come to the realisation that I was actually my greatest enemy. I was always the one condemning myself, the one who told me how bad it was. I became the devil's advocate. In fact, I became one of his best, the secret weapon to destroying my soul. How difficult one can get things into perspective when you, yourself is coming to you with all the "truths" that apparently made sense. However, in this case, the "truths" made me worse and caused me to fall back further in the dark, cold shadows; made embracing the truths a daunting task!
Praise God for Sister Sandy. Thank God for being my God, always waiting patiently for this prodigal son's return. I have now more faith... knowing that I really can walk out of this tunnel. Though I hate this tunnel that embraces darkness, I cannot deny that it made my life more interesting and colourful. Life is full of ups and downs and yes, the ups colour your life but it is the downs that made the colours, the ups brought, even more constrasting and brighter! I am walking down this road of recovery as Sister Sandy would describe it and yes, I am definitely looking forward to a new me. One that loves me even more and one that really do know my position in Christ, His love for me, His preparation that He has done for me in my life! Glory to God. The upcoming weeks will surely be intense as the devil knows that I have picked up my feet to start walking again. I do really pray that I will have the courage to approach the friends that I have to help me through these trying times. Thank God! Hallelujah!
"I often feel like I'm two steps behind
Somebody must have moved that finish line
There are a thousand reasons
Why I should give up
But I'm stubborn in the things I believe"
Woke up early this morning, at around 9:30am just to pack my room and to vaccum the floor, basically, helping out in the household chores... which I have been trying to run away from for the past few years... haha... Not that I am loving it now, but it is just the joy of being able to be a blessing in this family of mine that made me want to love it. Slow steps was what Sister Sandy said. This is one of the slow steps, which I believe I am taking, not wanting to overwhelm myself with stress and stuffs. I did sweat alot during the course of vaccuming the whole house and that I really enjoyed! Haha... Had an hour of workout by vaccuming plus a happier mother at the end of this service that I had done! =) It certainly feels great to be able to take on small steps towards loving my family. As you can see, I am all smiles and I do love this wonderful day... I am certainly looking forward to every minutes of the remaining day.
I was surprised that I was able to wake up at 9:30am, considering I had a long chat with Sister Sandy all the way until the wee hours of the night.... reached home at around 1am... and after finishing my shower and stuff, it was already 1:30am. Oh... I did not sleep immediately though... entertained myself for another 45 mins before deciding that I needed to end the day!
The chat with Sister Sandy was ReFreshing! She really touched my spirit and heart... causing me to break down from the inside out. Really never wanted her to know about the state that I am in... for fear of disappointing her. It is like you never want to let your loved ones know that you are struggling even though you know that they will care. She was one of the few whom I really love and and cherish in church. Sister Sandy was very funny throughout the chat that we had! Haha... I could really feel that she was trying to be careful with the words that she was using, always seeking to let her love touch me instead of the message that she was trying to convey. One thing that she said, which really touched me was this, "Please do not think that I am here to challenge or to push you; the reason I am here is that I want to make a commitment with you, not wanting you to make silly decisions." My whole spirit just exploded when the love behind that word entered my being. She is simply great!!
When I first came to church, I never thought that I am going to have such a beautiful relationship with one of the KEY person in church. She was like so far away, like an idol whom you will be happy just to be in the same sanctuary as she is in, let alone the thought of having a friendship with her. We do have a leader to member relationship, yet on top of that, there is the trust in this relationship like those will have between two close friends. I cannot empasis how much I cherish this relationship. As I was sharing with her about this relationship that I have with her, it made me realise that God was once far-fetched, never thought that He will come down to my level, to know me personally... to commune and to embrace me, but I was wrong. =) Just like God, Sister Sandy showed me this kind of unconditional love. She loved me for who I am, no matter how imperfect I am, she is willing to love me just as much. God is indeed love and like what Pst Mike shared, your loving actions will flow out of the love that's within you. We had a great time. She opened herself up to me too, by sharing some of the more personal stuff about her with me. I have to say that am honored to have her shared so much with. She didn't have to but she chose to!
Burdens started to lift up, faith started to arise... At last, this grim task of wanting to be a blessing in the family started to surface from the blurry water that it was in previously. Throughout the course of the conversation, I come to the realisation that I was actually my greatest enemy. I was always the one condemning myself, the one who told me how bad it was. I became the devil's advocate. In fact, I became one of his best, the secret weapon to destroying my soul. How difficult one can get things into perspective when you, yourself is coming to you with all the "truths" that apparently made sense. However, in this case, the "truths" made me worse and caused me to fall back further in the dark, cold shadows; made embracing the truths a daunting task!
Praise God for Sister Sandy. Thank God for being my God, always waiting patiently for this prodigal son's return. I have now more faith... knowing that I really can walk out of this tunnel. Though I hate this tunnel that embraces darkness, I cannot deny that it made my life more interesting and colourful. Life is full of ups and downs and yes, the ups colour your life but it is the downs that made the colours, the ups brought, even more constrasting and brighter! I am walking down this road of recovery as Sister Sandy would describe it and yes, I am definitely looking forward to a new me. One that loves me even more and one that really do know my position in Christ, His love for me, His preparation that He has done for me in my life! Glory to God. The upcoming weeks will surely be intense as the devil knows that I have picked up my feet to start walking again. I do really pray that I will have the courage to approach the friends that I have to help me through these trying times. Thank God! Hallelujah!
What a BeAuTiFul Day! =)
The dark clouds are floating away, revealing a beautiful and majestic sun... that brings light into this small world of mine! I must really say how blessed I am to be able sit here, listening to Corrine May's songs... I am really just letting this beautiful moment gets into my soul, enjoying every seconds of it...
"I often feel like I'm two steps behind
Somebody must have moved that finish line
There are a thousand reasons
Why I should give up
But I'm stubborn in the things I believe"
Woke up early this morning, at around 9:30am just to pack my room and to vaccum the floor, basically, helping out in the household chores... which I have been trying to run away from for the past few years... haha... Not that I am loving it now, but it is just the joy of being able to be a blessing in this family of mine that made me want to love it. Slow steps was what Sister Sandy said. This is one of the slow steps, which I believe I am taking, not wanting to overwhelm myself with stress and stuffs. I did sweat alot during the course of vaccuming the whole house and that I really enjoyed! Haha... Had an hour of workout by vaccuming plus a happier mother at the end of this service that I had done! =) It certainly feels great to be able to take on small steps towards loving my family. As you can see, I am all smiles and I do love this wonderful day... I am certainly looking forward to every minutes of the remaining day.
I was surprised that I was able to wake up at 9:30am, considering I had a long chat with Sister Sandy all the way until the wee hours of the night.... reached home at around 1am... and after finishing my shower and stuff, it was already 1:30am. Oh... I did not sleep immediately though... entertained myself for another 45 mins before deciding that I needed to end the day!
The chat with Sister Sandy was ReFreshing! She really touched my spirit and heart... causing me to break down from the inside out. Really never wanted her to know about the state that I am in... for fear of disappointing her. It is like you never want to let your loved ones know that you are struggling even though you know that they will care. She was one of the few whom I really love and and cherish in church. Sister Sandy was very funny throughout the chat that we had! Haha... I could really feel that she was trying to be careful with the words that she was using, always seeking to let her love touch me instead of the message that she was trying to convey. One thing that she said, which really touched me was this, "Please do not think that I am here to challenge or to push you; the reason I am here is that I want to make a commitment with you, not wanting you to make silly decisions." My whole spirit just exploded when the love behind that word entered my being. She is simply great!!
When I first came to church, I never thought that I am going to have such a beautiful relationship with one of the KEY person in church. She was like so far away, like an idol whom you will be happy just to be in the same sanctuary as she is in, let alone the thought of having a friendship with her. We do have a leader to member relationship, yet on top of that, there is the trust in this relationship like those will have between two close friends. I cannot empasis how much I cherish this relationship. As I was sharing with her about this relationship that I have with her, it made me realise that God was once far-fetched, never thought that He will come down to my level, to know me personally... to commune and to embrace me, but I was wrong. =) Just like God, Sister Sandy showed me this kind of unconditional love. She loved me for who I am, no matter how imperfect I am, she is willing to love me just as much. God is indeed love and like what Pst Mike shared, your loving actions will flow out of the love that's within you. We had a great time. She opened herself up to me too, by sharing some of the more personal stuff about her with me. I have to say that am honored to have her shared so much with. She didn't have to but she chose to!
Burdens started to lift up, faith started to arise... At last, this grim task of wanting to be a blessing in the family started to surface from the blurry water that it was in previously. Throughout the course of the conversation, I come to the realisation that I was actually my greatest enemy. I was always the one condemning myself, the one who told me how bad it was. I became the devil's advocate. In fact, I became one of his best, the secret weapon to destroying my soul. How difficult one can get things into perspective when you, yourself is coming to you with all the "truths" that apparently made sense. However, in this case, the "truths" made me worse and caused me to fall back further in the dark, cold shadows; made embracing the truths a daunting task!
Praise God for Sister Sandy. Thank God for being my God, always waiting patiently for this prodigal son's return. I have now more faith... knowing that I really can walk out of this tunnel. Though I hate this tunnel that embraces darkness, I cannot deny that it made my life more interesting and colourful. Life is full of ups and downs and yes, the ups colour your life but it is the downs that made the colours, the ups brought, even more constrasting and brighter! I am walking down this road of recovery as Sister Sandy would describe it and yes, I am definitely looking forward to a new me. One that loves me even more and one that really do know my position in Christ, His love for me, His preparation that He has done for me in my life! Glory to God. The upcoming weeks will surely be intense as the devil knows that I have picked up my feet to start walking again. I do really pray that I will have the courage to approach the friends that I have to help me through these trying times. Thank God! Hallelujah!
"I often feel like I'm two steps behind
Somebody must have moved that finish line
There are a thousand reasons
Why I should give up
But I'm stubborn in the things I believe"
Woke up early this morning, at around 9:30am just to pack my room and to vaccum the floor, basically, helping out in the household chores... which I have been trying to run away from for the past few years... haha... Not that I am loving it now, but it is just the joy of being able to be a blessing in this family of mine that made me want to love it. Slow steps was what Sister Sandy said. This is one of the slow steps, which I believe I am taking, not wanting to overwhelm myself with stress and stuffs. I did sweat alot during the course of vaccuming the whole house and that I really enjoyed! Haha... Had an hour of workout by vaccuming plus a happier mother at the end of this service that I had done! =) It certainly feels great to be able to take on small steps towards loving my family. As you can see, I am all smiles and I do love this wonderful day... I am certainly looking forward to every minutes of the remaining day.
I was surprised that I was able to wake up at 9:30am, considering I had a long chat with Sister Sandy all the way until the wee hours of the night.... reached home at around 1am... and after finishing my shower and stuff, it was already 1:30am. Oh... I did not sleep immediately though... entertained myself for another 45 mins before deciding that I needed to end the day!
The chat with Sister Sandy was ReFreshing! She really touched my spirit and heart... causing me to break down from the inside out. Really never wanted her to know about the state that I am in... for fear of disappointing her. It is like you never want to let your loved ones know that you are struggling even though you know that they will care. She was one of the few whom I really love and and cherish in church. Sister Sandy was very funny throughout the chat that we had! Haha... I could really feel that she was trying to be careful with the words that she was using, always seeking to let her love touch me instead of the message that she was trying to convey. One thing that she said, which really touched me was this, "Please do not think that I am here to challenge or to push you; the reason I am here is that I want to make a commitment with you, not wanting you to make silly decisions." My whole spirit just exploded when the love behind that word entered my being. She is simply great!!
When I first came to church, I never thought that I am going to have such a beautiful relationship with one of the KEY person in church. She was like so far away, like an idol whom you will be happy just to be in the same sanctuary as she is in, let alone the thought of having a friendship with her. We do have a leader to member relationship, yet on top of that, there is the trust in this relationship like those will have between two close friends. I cannot empasis how much I cherish this relationship. As I was sharing with her about this relationship that I have with her, it made me realise that God was once far-fetched, never thought that He will come down to my level, to know me personally... to commune and to embrace me, but I was wrong. =) Just like God, Sister Sandy showed me this kind of unconditional love. She loved me for who I am, no matter how imperfect I am, she is willing to love me just as much. God is indeed love and like what Pst Mike shared, your loving actions will flow out of the love that's within you. We had a great time. She opened herself up to me too, by sharing some of the more personal stuff about her with me. I have to say that am honored to have her shared so much with. She didn't have to but she chose to!
Burdens started to lift up, faith started to arise... At last, this grim task of wanting to be a blessing in the family started to surface from the blurry water that it was in previously. Throughout the course of the conversation, I come to the realisation that I was actually my greatest enemy. I was always the one condemning myself, the one who told me how bad it was. I became the devil's advocate. In fact, I became one of his best, the secret weapon to destroying my soul. How difficult one can get things into perspective when you, yourself is coming to you with all the "truths" that apparently made sense. However, in this case, the "truths" made me worse and caused me to fall back further in the dark, cold shadows; made embracing the truths a daunting task!
Praise God for Sister Sandy. Thank God for being my God, always waiting patiently for this prodigal son's return. I have now more faith... knowing that I really can walk out of this tunnel. Though I hate this tunnel that embraces darkness, I cannot deny that it made my life more interesting and colourful. Life is full of ups and downs and yes, the ups colour your life but it is the downs that made the colours, the ups brought, even more constrasting and brighter! I am walking down this road of recovery as Sister Sandy would describe it and yes, I am definitely looking forward to a new me. One that loves me even more and one that really do know my position in Christ, His love for me, His preparation that He has done for me in my life! Glory to God. The upcoming weeks will surely be intense as the devil knows that I have picked up my feet to start walking again. I do really pray that I will have the courage to approach the friends that I have to help me through these trying times. Thank God! Hallelujah!
Friday, July 22, 2005
The Story of Job... Damian's translation =)
I managed to finish my work early today and felt a stirring inside of me. It wanted me to draw something. I was sitting by my desk, wondering and waiting for an inspiration on what exactly to draw... Suddenly, a thought flashed onto the screen in my mind... I can sketch something about Job since I am reading the Book of Job right now and like him, I am facing a crisis in my life... Not really a crisis... just at a crossroad of my life... waiting to make a decision on whether to turn to the left or to the right... :) Anyway, more about me later... enjoy the picture! :)
The Story of Job... Damian's translation =)
I managed to finish my work early today and felt a stirring inside of me. It wanted me to draw something. I was sitting by my desk, wondering and waiting for an inspiration on what exactly to draw... Suddenly, a thought flashed onto the screen in my mind... I can sketch something about Job since I am reading the Book of Job right now and like him, I am facing a crisis in my life... Not really a crisis... just at a crossroad of my life... waiting to make a decision on whether to turn to the left or to the right... :) Anyway, more about me later... enjoy the picture! :)
Tuesday, July 19, 2005
Words from Job... and a "short" update on ME
In the midst of reading the Book of Job. Here are some verses that I really like:
Job 6:25-27
How forceful are right words!
But what does your arguing prove?
Do you intend to rebuke my words,
And the speeches of a desperate one,
which are as wind?
Yes, you overwhelm the fatherless,
And you undermine your friend.
Job 5:17-18
Behold, happy is the man
whom God corrects;
Therefore do not despise the
chastening of the Almighty.
For He bruises, but He binds up;
He wounds, but His hands make whole
To be honest, not really feeling great right now... Feeling lost... but the more people "encourage" or should I say challenge, the more I feel like going the other direction... However, I must say that I am thankful that I have these bunch of friends... they are great people. It is just that I am going through some personal struggles... which I do not wish to elaborate.
I cannot say that I like the way I am now... However, I do not despise the state that I am in right now! Seriously... not that I am enjoying... it is just that it makes everything so real! Christianity is not really about church... it is about family, church, relationships and most importantly, GOD!
How wrong was I to think that church is my refuge. It certainly is, to a certain extent! However, I abused church and God, used it to escape from my unhappiness, my hurts and whatever that I think I cannot love!
Waging war with myself now... not exactly myself... just the other side of me... my flesh. When you are in darkness, you will not think that it is the devil... but rather, everything that happens, you will think that it is YOU and YOU alone! Haha... I really cannot deny the clever tactics of the devil. I tripped me... it bruised me and of course, it cause me to fail... However, one thing for sure... he has got to do infinite times much more than that to make me quit!
At the current moment, I am not sure if this is the CHURCH way... but I do really need time alone... time to know myself... time to learn... time to get back up from my fall... time to climb out from my hole... etc... which some of you may think are excuses. To me... that's what I really need now... TIME! I do not wish to shun away from people I love in church... and I will try hard not to do that!
Everyday, I am just looking forward to the day where I can smile with no pretense. That is so precious... and it is certainly hard to wear a smile that does not belong to you... haha... But in all these, I am still hopeful and I am still thanking God.. every single day... How ironic can this be right? hahahaha... trying to find the good in all these bad! :) The other thing I can do beside wallowing in my own misery is to find the little bits and pieces of love around me... waiting in faith that the mighty hand of God will be tangibly upon me soon.
Dear all the friends who love and care for me... I am doing great at work! In fact, I am enjoying every single bit of it. :) If you wanna pray for me, pray that I will have wisdom change the things I can change, including changing myself, and to have the strength and patience to accept the things that I cannot change. A part of me love the me now and the other says that I have to be stronger than now, to be able to shine in my own family, as well as my spiritual family. Of course I know that I should go after the latter and that is why I am battling with myself.
I simply love to blog... never feel more relieved and peaceful... It just simply allows you to pour your soul and there is something true in the saying, "If you keep everything to yourself, it is bad for your health." I find that blogging gives me something that is lacking in human communication, that is if I were to pour my heart out to a human. Blogging is slow to speak and quick to listen... Never hasty on suggestions... always here to let me give my inputs... no matter how sometimes I get too emotional, it is still there... unless of course there is a power failure! Haha. :) Oh... blogging is great... but talking to God is much much more better! Haha... haha... not trying to undermine God in any ways! :) He is the reason why I am going through... because I want to love Him more, to honor Him more... the reason why I am still in and not out! :)
So much for the "short" update on ME. Don't be shock... don't even think you know what I am going through... :) let alone the comments or "encouragements." If you must comment, let it be out of your heart. :) oops... am I a little offensive? Hehe... Nah... I love you guys... =) just look at the number of smileys I put in this whole post, you can guess that I am not intending to be crude or offensive. :) Haha... so long friends... and see ya again, Blog!
Job 6:25-27
How forceful are right words!
But what does your arguing prove?
Do you intend to rebuke my words,
And the speeches of a desperate one,
which are as wind?
Yes, you overwhelm the fatherless,
And you undermine your friend.
Job 5:17-18
Behold, happy is the man
whom God corrects;
Therefore do not despise the
chastening of the Almighty.
For He bruises, but He binds up;
He wounds, but His hands make whole
To be honest, not really feeling great right now... Feeling lost... but the more people "encourage" or should I say challenge, the more I feel like going the other direction... However, I must say that I am thankful that I have these bunch of friends... they are great people. It is just that I am going through some personal struggles... which I do not wish to elaborate.
I cannot say that I like the way I am now... However, I do not despise the state that I am in right now! Seriously... not that I am enjoying... it is just that it makes everything so real! Christianity is not really about church... it is about family, church, relationships and most importantly, GOD!
How wrong was I to think that church is my refuge. It certainly is, to a certain extent! However, I abused church and God, used it to escape from my unhappiness, my hurts and whatever that I think I cannot love!
Waging war with myself now... not exactly myself... just the other side of me... my flesh. When you are in darkness, you will not think that it is the devil... but rather, everything that happens, you will think that it is YOU and YOU alone! Haha... I really cannot deny the clever tactics of the devil. I tripped me... it bruised me and of course, it cause me to fail... However, one thing for sure... he has got to do infinite times much more than that to make me quit!
At the current moment, I am not sure if this is the CHURCH way... but I do really need time alone... time to know myself... time to learn... time to get back up from my fall... time to climb out from my hole... etc... which some of you may think are excuses. To me... that's what I really need now... TIME! I do not wish to shun away from people I love in church... and I will try hard not to do that!
Everyday, I am just looking forward to the day where I can smile with no pretense. That is so precious... and it is certainly hard to wear a smile that does not belong to you... haha... But in all these, I am still hopeful and I am still thanking God.. every single day... How ironic can this be right? hahahaha... trying to find the good in all these bad! :) The other thing I can do beside wallowing in my own misery is to find the little bits and pieces of love around me... waiting in faith that the mighty hand of God will be tangibly upon me soon.
Dear all the friends who love and care for me... I am doing great at work! In fact, I am enjoying every single bit of it. :) If you wanna pray for me, pray that I will have wisdom change the things I can change, including changing myself, and to have the strength and patience to accept the things that I cannot change. A part of me love the me now and the other says that I have to be stronger than now, to be able to shine in my own family, as well as my spiritual family. Of course I know that I should go after the latter and that is why I am battling with myself.
I simply love to blog... never feel more relieved and peaceful... It just simply allows you to pour your soul and there is something true in the saying, "If you keep everything to yourself, it is bad for your health." I find that blogging gives me something that is lacking in human communication, that is if I were to pour my heart out to a human. Blogging is slow to speak and quick to listen... Never hasty on suggestions... always here to let me give my inputs... no matter how sometimes I get too emotional, it is still there... unless of course there is a power failure! Haha. :) Oh... blogging is great... but talking to God is much much more better! Haha... haha... not trying to undermine God in any ways! :) He is the reason why I am going through... because I want to love Him more, to honor Him more... the reason why I am still in and not out! :)
So much for the "short" update on ME. Don't be shock... don't even think you know what I am going through... :) let alone the comments or "encouragements." If you must comment, let it be out of your heart. :) oops... am I a little offensive? Hehe... Nah... I love you guys... =) just look at the number of smileys I put in this whole post, you can guess that I am not intending to be crude or offensive. :) Haha... so long friends... and see ya again, Blog!
Words from Job... and a "short" update on ME
In the midst of reading the Book of Job. Here are some verses that I really like:
Job 6:25-27
How forceful are right words!
But what does your arguing prove?
Do you intend to rebuke my words,
And the speeches of a desperate one,
which are as wind?
Yes, you overwhelm the fatherless,
And you undermine your friend.
Job 5:17-18
Behold, happy is the man
whom God corrects;
Therefore do not despise the
chastening of the Almighty.
For He bruises, but He binds up;
He wounds, but His hands make whole
To be honest, not really feeling great right now... Feeling lost... but the more people "encourage" or should I say challenge, the more I feel like going the other direction... However, I must say that I am thankful that I have these bunch of friends... they are great people. It is just that I am going through some personal struggles... which I do not wish to elaborate.
I cannot say that I like the way I am now... However, I do not despise the state that I am in right now! Seriously... not that I am enjoying... it is just that it makes everything so real! Christianity is not really about church... it is about family, church, relationships and most importantly, GOD!
How wrong was I to think that church is my refuge. It certainly is, to a certain extent! However, I abused church and God, used it to escape from my unhappiness, my hurts and whatever that I think I cannot love!
Waging war with myself now... not exactly myself... just the other side of me... my flesh. When you are in darkness, you will not think that it is the devil... but rather, everything that happens, you will think that it is YOU and YOU alone! Haha... I really cannot deny the clever tactics of the devil. I tripped me... it bruised me and of course, it cause me to fail... However, one thing for sure... he has got to do infinite times much more than that to make me quit!
At the current moment, I am not sure if this is the CHURCH way... but I do really need time alone... time to know myself... time to learn... time to get back up from my fall... time to climb out from my hole... etc... which some of you may think are excuses. To me... that's what I really need now... TIME! I do not wish to shun away from people I love in church... and I will try hard not to do that!
Everyday, I am just looking forward to the day where I can smile with no pretense. That is so precious... and it is certainly hard to wear a smile that does not belong to you... haha... But in all these, I am still hopeful and I am still thanking God.. every single day... How ironic can this be right? hahahaha... trying to find the good in all these bad! :) The other thing I can do beside wallowing in my own misery is to find the little bits and pieces of love around me... waiting in faith that the mighty hand of God will be tangibly upon me soon.
Dear all the friends who love and care for me... I am doing great at work! In fact, I am enjoying every single bit of it. :) If you wanna pray for me, pray that I will have wisdom change the things I can change, including changing myself, and to have the strength and patience to accept the things that I cannot change. A part of me love the me now and the other says that I have to be stronger than now, to be able to shine in my own family, as well as my spiritual family. Of course I know that I should go after the latter and that is why I am battling with myself.
I simply love to blog... never feel more relieved and peaceful... It just simply allows you to pour your soul and there is something true in the saying, "If you keep everything to yourself, it is bad for your health." I find that blogging gives me something that is lacking in human communication, that is if I were to pour my heart out to a human. Blogging is slow to speak and quick to listen... Never hasty on suggestions... always here to let me give my inputs... no matter how sometimes I get too emotional, it is still there... unless of course there is a power failure! Haha. :) Oh... blogging is great... but talking to God is much much more better! Haha... haha... not trying to undermine God in any ways! :) He is the reason why I am going through... because I want to love Him more, to honor Him more... the reason why I am still in and not out! :)
So much for the "short" update on ME. Don't be shock... don't even think you know what I am going through... :) let alone the comments or "encouragements." If you must comment, let it be out of your heart. :) oops... am I a little offensive? Hehe... Nah... I love you guys... =) just look at the number of smileys I put in this whole post, you can guess that I am not intending to be crude or offensive. :) Haha... so long friends... and see ya again, Blog!
Job 6:25-27
How forceful are right words!
But what does your arguing prove?
Do you intend to rebuke my words,
And the speeches of a desperate one,
which are as wind?
Yes, you overwhelm the fatherless,
And you undermine your friend.
Job 5:17-18
Behold, happy is the man
whom God corrects;
Therefore do not despise the
chastening of the Almighty.
For He bruises, but He binds up;
He wounds, but His hands make whole
To be honest, not really feeling great right now... Feeling lost... but the more people "encourage" or should I say challenge, the more I feel like going the other direction... However, I must say that I am thankful that I have these bunch of friends... they are great people. It is just that I am going through some personal struggles... which I do not wish to elaborate.
I cannot say that I like the way I am now... However, I do not despise the state that I am in right now! Seriously... not that I am enjoying... it is just that it makes everything so real! Christianity is not really about church... it is about family, church, relationships and most importantly, GOD!
How wrong was I to think that church is my refuge. It certainly is, to a certain extent! However, I abused church and God, used it to escape from my unhappiness, my hurts and whatever that I think I cannot love!
Waging war with myself now... not exactly myself... just the other side of me... my flesh. When you are in darkness, you will not think that it is the devil... but rather, everything that happens, you will think that it is YOU and YOU alone! Haha... I really cannot deny the clever tactics of the devil. I tripped me... it bruised me and of course, it cause me to fail... However, one thing for sure... he has got to do infinite times much more than that to make me quit!
At the current moment, I am not sure if this is the CHURCH way... but I do really need time alone... time to know myself... time to learn... time to get back up from my fall... time to climb out from my hole... etc... which some of you may think are excuses. To me... that's what I really need now... TIME! I do not wish to shun away from people I love in church... and I will try hard not to do that!
Everyday, I am just looking forward to the day where I can smile with no pretense. That is so precious... and it is certainly hard to wear a smile that does not belong to you... haha... But in all these, I am still hopeful and I am still thanking God.. every single day... How ironic can this be right? hahahaha... trying to find the good in all these bad! :) The other thing I can do beside wallowing in my own misery is to find the little bits and pieces of love around me... waiting in faith that the mighty hand of God will be tangibly upon me soon.
Dear all the friends who love and care for me... I am doing great at work! In fact, I am enjoying every single bit of it. :) If you wanna pray for me, pray that I will have wisdom change the things I can change, including changing myself, and to have the strength and patience to accept the things that I cannot change. A part of me love the me now and the other says that I have to be stronger than now, to be able to shine in my own family, as well as my spiritual family. Of course I know that I should go after the latter and that is why I am battling with myself.
I simply love to blog... never feel more relieved and peaceful... It just simply allows you to pour your soul and there is something true in the saying, "If you keep everything to yourself, it is bad for your health." I find that blogging gives me something that is lacking in human communication, that is if I were to pour my heart out to a human. Blogging is slow to speak and quick to listen... Never hasty on suggestions... always here to let me give my inputs... no matter how sometimes I get too emotional, it is still there... unless of course there is a power failure! Haha. :) Oh... blogging is great... but talking to God is much much more better! Haha... haha... not trying to undermine God in any ways! :) He is the reason why I am going through... because I want to love Him more, to honor Him more... the reason why I am still in and not out! :)
So much for the "short" update on ME. Don't be shock... don't even think you know what I am going through... :) let alone the comments or "encouragements." If you must comment, let it be out of your heart. :) oops... am I a little offensive? Hehe... Nah... I love you guys... =) just look at the number of smileys I put in this whole post, you can guess that I am not intending to be crude or offensive. :) Haha... so long friends... and see ya again, Blog!
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